Listen to the scene on Patreon
If you listened to the end of Episode 1, you heard T’Horxa the Invincible (played by Jeff Van Dreason of Greater Boston) trying to sell his cursed helmet at the Axe & Crown. So what happened next?
Also featuring the voices of Hugo Jones and Marisa King.
ELI
Hello to our Specialist patrons, Benefactors and Nobility! We got a sweet bonus scene for you from Episode 1 of Alba Salix, Season 2.
So if you listened all the way to the end of the credits, you might have heard T’Horxa the Invincible (played by one Jeff Van Dreason of Greater Boston) trying to sell his cursed helmet at the Axe & Crown. And so, you might wonder, what happened next?
INT. THE AXE & CROWN — NIGHT
A lively crowd.
T’HORXA
(whispers)
Hey there, friend. Wanna buy a helmet?
Gubbin stomps across the room.
GUBBIN
Hey, sword boy! I told you, go and sell your goddamn trinkets somewhere else and let my patrons get drunk in peace!
T’HORXA
Aw, c’mon, Gubbin. Help a barbarian out.
GUBBIN
A barbarian? You?
T’HORXA
Yeah! That’s what I do now.
GUBBIN
You work at the deli.
T’HORXA
Yes… so it was that from such humble beginnings began the tale of T’Horxa.
GUBBIN
The tale of what?
T’HORXA
(self-conscious)
T’Horxa the Invincible.
GUBBIN
(starts laughing)
T’HORXA
Aw, c’mon, it’s not funny. Why does everyone laugh?
GUBBIN
What kind of name is T’Horxa?
T’HORXA
It is a warrior’s name.
GUBBIN
Yeah, some warrior. No, wait a second. Isn’t he out of a book or something?
T’HORXA
It’s a whole series.
GUBBIN
Eh. Come up with your own damn name.
What’s wrong with this helmet?
T’HORXA
What makes you think there’s something wrong?
GUBBIN
It’s dwarf-made, right?
T’HORXA
Yeah.
GUBBIN
Perfect condition too. Looks like it’s hardly been worn.
T’HORXA
Yeah.
GUBBIN
Most adventurers would kill for a piece like this.
T’HORXA
Yeah!
GUBBIN
So one, what are you doing with it, and two, why are you trying to sell it?
T’HORXA
Well… T’Horxa plundered the helmet, but has no use for it. It is not the way of a barbarian to cover his face like a coward!
GUBBIN
Oh no, but you wear a short little loincloth made of leather and that big floppy sunhat.
T’HORXA
It depends on the barbarian. T’Horxa is very fashion forward.
GUBBIN
Is this thing cursed? Did it do something to your face?
T’HORXA
Uh…
GUBBIN
Yeah, I thought so. Probably something to do with these runes.
T’HORXA
Apparently.
GUBBIN
How much did you pay for this?
T’HORXA
A hundred crowns.
GUBBIN
A hundred! Damn, kid. You got another hundred, I’ll get you a good saucepan. Guaranteed not to mess up your face. Heck, for that price I’d even cut eye holes in it for ya.
T’HORXA
(sighs)
What am I gonna do, Gubbin? That was my adventuring money.
GUBBIN
You need somewhere to get rid of it… I might know someone.
T’HORXA
Okay…
GUBBIN
All right, hang on.
Hey, Betula!
Betula strides over.
BETULA
Yeah, what’s up?
GUBBIN
What do you make of this?
BETULA
Huh. Dwarf-made?
T’HORXA
Yeah.
BETULA
What’s wrong with it?
GUBBIN
Nothing, it’s just stolen.
BETULA
Yeah, what’s really wrong with it?
GUBBIN
I dunno, maybe you should try it on.
BETULA
Maybe you should kiss my ass. It’s cursed, right?
GUBBIN
Might be.
BETULA
And you’re looking to unload it.
T’HORXA
Yeah.
BETULA
Hmm. Can’t guarantee it’ll move, but if I sell it, I get half.
T’HORXA
Half?!
BETULA
Or you can give it a shot yourself.
T’HORXA
Ten percent.
BETULA
Thirty.
Silence.
T’HORXA
Fifteen?
BETULA
Thirty.
T’HORXA
Very well.
BETULA
Give me a couple days. I’ll ask around.
T’HORXA
Thank you, kind lady.
T’Horxa shuffles out.
GUBBIN
And a nice tidy finder’s fee for the good-looking troll bartender who made it all happen.
(chuckles, then)
Man, this is what I get for letting Stan do his Half Price Tuesdays for adventurers.
BETULA
It’s good to get some new faces in here. Everyone likes a good adventuring story.
GUBBIN
It’s fine, until they get in a fight trying to divvy up their loot and break all my furniture. Again.
BETULA
Your furniture’s already broken.
GUBBIN
Oh, hey, yeah… do you wanna find out if this thing really is cursed?
BETULA
Yeah, I would.
GUBBIN
Well, get somebody to try it on!
BETULA
Good idea!
GUBBIN
Hey! Stan! Come over here! I got something for you to try! It’s really shiny! Look, buddy!