The royal baby arrives well ahead of schedule — and so does an unwelcome guest.
Starring:
Barbara Clifford as Alba Salix
Julian Sark as Magnus
Olivia Jon as Holly
and Elaine O’Neal as Antalia Pearcey
with Marisa King as Queen Parabel
George Bertwell as King Gunther
Hugh MacLeod as Aten-Aben
Mbula Enobong as Loria Berenice
Abbas Hussain as Withrow Lee
plus special guests
Leon Stamatis (from Greater Boston): Braden Lamb
Edgar Preston: Alexander Danner, co-creator of Greater Boston
Lady Jonewood: Sarah Golding
Written and directed by Eli McIlveen and Sean Howard
Music and sound design by Eli McIlveen
Associate producers: Michael Hudson, Jack Pevyhouse, Paul Tedesco, Keiko Kanda, Heather Collins and Julian Sark
Supporting Producer: Kim Bellinger
Executive Producer: Dave Addison
Content warning: Violence, knives, panic, heights, hijacking, death threats, magical pregnancy and labour, separation, allergies, and ever so much screaming.
INTRODUCTION
ELI
Hey! Habari! Annyeong! Ey up! How are you? It’s Eli here, with Alba Salix, Season Two, Episode Six.
Yes, we are up to our season finale and—okay, fair warning, this one gets a bit intense, so brace yourself—check the show notes if you’re concerned.
In the meantime, I’ve got some people to thank, starting with our wonderful cast, who made us laugh and cry in the booth and made this series a joy to record. Thanks also to our amazing special guests this season, who were a total blast to record with. We love you all so much.
Thank you to our fabulous sponsors this season. And thank you to all our generous and lovely donors on Indiegogo and Patreon for making this all possible.
Thanks to everyone who’s helped spread the word on social media, given us a review, told a friend, drawn fan art, or just dropped us a line to let us know you enjoyed the show. It is really our pleasure to make these stories for you and we’re so looking forward to the next season.
I say “we”, but… thank you to my partner, co-producer and co-writer Sean, who has really pushed me to go bigger and bolder with our stories this season, and who has provided so much support day in and day out. Thank you, dear.
And finally, one more kind of unexpected thank you. So my computer pooped out last week. Just went pfft! Screen went dark, wouldn’t start up again, and made for some extremely panicked moments. Luckily, it was all backed up, and even more luckily, our housemate Stephen got me up and running on his old laptop so I could complete this here episode. So Stephen, you rock. Thank you, thank you thank you thank you.
Whew! All right. Get ready—it is time for Episode The Sixth, the dramatic finale to Alba Salix Season Two. Enjoy.
MUSIC STING
EXT. FOREST, MIDNIGHT
Crickets.
PARABEL AND WITHROW
Hear us, Keeper of the Red Sceptre. Hear us, Guardian of the River of Souls. Hear us now.
A wave of magical energy like a hot wind.
ATEN-ABEN
Who summons me from my realm?
PARABEL
It is I, Queen Parabel of Farloria—
ATEN-ABEN
Molten puppies! I’ve never been summoned by a Queen before.
PARABEL
Hear me, O—
ATEN-ABEN
I got a duke once. Wizards, merchants, an elderly couple who stumbled on a magic lantern… but never a queen. Until now.
PARABEL
Hear me, O demon.
ATEN-ABEN
Oh, for hell’s sake, call me Aten-Aben. So you’re Queen Parabel, and who’s this one?
WITHROW
(laughs nervously)
Uh, I’m just here helping out.
ATEN-ABEN
Withrow Lee! Well, I’ll be danged. You used to call on us Guardians all the time, you and that Alba Salix girl.
WITHROW
That was us, yeah.
ATEN-ABEN
Which means you must be Parabel Salix, right?
PARABEL
Yes, I am. If we could get down to business.
ATEN-ABEN
Yeah, it’s all clicking into place now.
All right. Lay it on me.
PARABEL
I am with child.
ATEN-ABEN
Nice. Congrats.
PARABEL
Alba tells me the child will be a boy.
ATEN-ABEN
Yep, it’s looking that way.
PARABEL
Which would make him heir apparent, and void our enemies’ claim to the throne. The moment they learn a crown prince has been born, his life will be in mortal peril.
ATEN-ABEN
Gotcha. Yeah, that makes sense.
PARABEL
But you have power over destiny.
ATEN-ABEN
I can push the world toward one future or another. If you wanted a girl, you should have talked to me before you went and got preggers.
PARABEL
Well, what good are you, then?!
Mister Lee, couldn’t you have summoned me a proper demon?
ATEN-ABEN
That hurts.
WITHROW
It was short notice. Everybody’s booked up on the full moon. It was this guy or Sovono-gargh, the god of snails.
PARABEL
Rrr! Unbelievable. Send him away!
ATEN-ABEN
Now, hold on. Let’s think this through. Magical power runs in your family.
PARABEL
Yes…?
ATEN-ABEN
Am I right? Look at you. Look at your sisters. So. What if I told you… I can make your kid the most powerful wizard alive?
PARABEL
How powerful?
ATEN-ABEN
Powerful enough that no one can harm him. Your boy shall have all your magic—all the magic of your whole bloodline put together. I can make him so powerful that the land of his birth shall never fall to its enemies so long as he lives.
PARABEL
What must I do?
ATEN-ABEN
(laughs)
FADE TO:
INT. STOREROOM
Parabel gasps for breath.
The door squeaks open.
ALBA
Parabel?
Parabel. What are you doing in the storeroom?
Are you all right?
PARABEL
I’m fine. I just needed to—oh!
(she gasps as another contraction hits)
ALBA
Parabel!
PARABEL
I think I’m… Oh no!
I think… I might be… having the baby.
ALBA
Really! You don’t say.
PARABEL
Alba… I’m… I may have done something… OH FLUKI ABOVE!
ALBA
Shhh. Breathe. Focus on your breathing.
Well, if you’re going to have a baby six months early, at least you’re doing it somewhere with plenty of clean towels.
She fetches some towels.
PARABEL
Please… if you have to choose between me and the baby…
ALBA
Don’t you dare even say it.
PARABEL
Save the child, Alba.
ALBA
Breathe.
A sudden tearing, rushing noise, similar to the previous scene.
ALBA
What on earth?
ATEN-ABEN
Hey hey. It looks like I’m just in time.
ALBA
Aten-Aben.
ATEN-ABEN
Alba Salix! I was hoping I’d see you here too. It’s been forever!
ALBA
What in all the hells are you doing here?
ATEN-ABEN
I’d have thought that would have been obvious. I’m here for the baby.
PARABEL
(groans)
OPENING THEME
HERALD
By Appointment to the King and Queen: Alba Salix, Royal Physician—Volume Two!
Episode the Sixth: Signed, Sealed, Delivered.
INT. KITCHENS
A clatter of cutlery.
MAGNUS
Holly! Ow! The spoons are trying to kill me!
They descend on him with little whooshes, and crack him vigorously on the head.
HOLLY
Well, that’s what you get for animating them!
MAGNUS
Ow! I’m not a creme brulee! Dammit! Ow!
Finally, he manages to fend them off. Spoons jingle noisily across the floor.
A set of pans clatter at Holly.
HOLLY
Don’t you start too! I don’t care what the pots said! All you pans get back to the stove! I have a ladle and I know how to use it.
The pans rattle irritably.
HOLLY
Now let’s taste that soup.
A pan snaps its lid shut at her.
HOLLY
Ow! Why you nasty little…! Let me taste your soup!
She smacks the snapping lid with a ladle.
HOLLY
Gimme. Come on!
Magnus, now! The lid!
Magnus runs over and grabs the lid.
MAGNUS
Ha! Got it.
HOLLY
Thanks!
MAGNUS
Ow, ow, it’s hot it’s hot it’s hot!
Holly stirs the “soup”.
HOLLY
Hold onto it!
Hey, this isn’t soup, it’s just hot water with some onions in it.
MAGNUS
The knives stole the rest of the ingredients. They’ve been hoarding them all in the top cupboard.
HOLLY
What? Why?
MAGNUS
How should I know? Stupid knives.
A dozen knives go shing!
MAGNUS
Sorry, I mean, very nice, shiny knives. You’re all super great and I think we should be friends!
HOLLY
Whoa, look out! Plates incoming!
The plates clink together as they close in.
MAGNUS
We’re surrounded.
HOLLY
(sings)
Hello bowls! Hello plates!
MAGNUS
What are you doing?
HOLLY
I don’t know—maybe they like music?
(sings)
What’s wrong? Was it something you ate?
The plates rattle louder.
MAGNUS
I don’t think they like music.
HOLLY
Let’s back away slowly.
CUT TO:
INT. BALLROOM
Anxious chatter.
GUNTHER
We’ll be back on track in just a second. The Royal Physician has gone off to look after Parabel. She has everything under control.
The doors burst open and Holly and Magnus tumble out into the ballroom, screaming and pursued by cutlery. A few guests scream as well.
GUNTHER
What on earth?
PEARCEY
Magnus! Holly! What is this?
MAGNUS
We’re having some minor technical issues in the kitchen.
HOLLY
Magnus! Make them stop!
PEARCEY
Why are there forks and knives following you?
The knives follow, with whispery sounds of metal on metal.
MAGNUS
(crawling backwards)
See, that’s a long story that hopefully I will live to tell you later.
(whimpers)
Nice cutlery!
C’mon, you wouldn’t hurt the one who brought you to life? Would you?
A tense silence. Then the knives and forks all abruptly crash to the ground. Magnus and Holly gasp in relief.
HOLLY
So, who’s hungry?
MUSIC STING
INT. STOREROOM
The storm rages outside.
PARABEL
Alba… Don’t let him near me. Don’t let him hurt the baby.
ATEN-ABEN
I would never hurt the baby. I’m simply escorting him to his new home.
ALBA
Begone, demon!
ATEN-ABEN
Go ahead. Hit me with your best shot.
ALBA
Aten-Aben, diabolum! Aten-Aben, exeas! Aten-Aben, effugare!
She summons a swirling magic wind, but it fizzles out to nothing.
ATEN-ABEN
(laughs)
Somebody a bit short on power?
ALBA
Is this your doing?
ATEN-ABEN
I am only following Her Majesty’s wishes.
ALBA
Parabel…
PARABEL
He promised my son would be the most powerful wizard alive.
ATEN-ABEN
And he will be! But you can’t just create that much power out of nowhere. It’s much easier to borrow. From the family, as it were.
ALBA
You’ve given all our power to the baby.
ATEN-ABEN
Yup.
ALBA
That’s too much for one person to handle. You’re endangering him. And everyone around him.
PARABEL
You didn’t tell me any of this!
ATEN-ABEN
You didn’t ask.
PARABEL
And now you’re here to take him away?
ATEN-ABEN
He’s going to be quite the star back home.
PARABEL
You promised he would be the defender of Farloria.
ATEN-ABEN
Mmmmnope, I don’t recall saying anything about Farloria. I believe it was: “The land of his birth shall never fall to its enemies so long as he lives.”
PARABEL
But we’re in Farloria.
ATEN-ABEN
Yes, but… shhh.
They fall silent. The wind howls fiercely. The walls of the building begin to creak and groan.
ATEN-ABEN
That’s our ride.
Wood splinters. The whole building shakes violently.
ATEN-ABEN
(laughs)
PARABEL
What are you doing?
ATEN-ABEN
The child will be born in my kingdom.
The walls groan and crack.
ATEN-ABEN
It’s pretty nice, as hell dimensions go. Good neighbours. Spectacular scenery. Warm all year round. He’s gonna love it.
Come on, let’s go.
Bricks crumble and wood splinters as the building lifts off into the air.
CUT TO:
INT. BALLROOM
Crashing and creaking. Guests tumble to the floor as the building sways and furniture slides across the room. Gale-force winds shake the walls.
LADY JONEWOOD
What’s happening?!
LORD JONEWOOD
Dear me, it’s quite the storm out there now, isn’t it?
LADY JONEWOOD
I should say it is. It’s lifting us right into the air!
GUNTHER
Oh dear. Parabel! Has anyone seen the Queen? Darling, where are you?
He stumbles out to the hall.
PEARCEY
No! Your Majesty!
(too late—she groans)
Everyone! Try to grab onto a wall. Make your way up here to the stage so you don’t get hit by the furniture. Hold on to each other for safety.
HOLLY
Magnus! You didn’t magically animate the whole building, did you?
MAGNUS
Are you kidding? I barely managed to levitate some knives.
HOLLY
Which nearly killed us.
Aten-Aben’s amplified voice rings out.
ATEN-ABEN
Your Majesties, ladies, gentlemen… This is your captain speaking, welcoming you aboard this nonstop flight from Grandville to the hell dimension of Qwaytox. Please stay seated. Keep your soles on the floor. You may experience some turbulence as we make our ascent.
Screams as the room lurches.
MAGNUS
See? He said “hell dimension”. We’re being stolen away by demons! I’ve got nothing to do with it!
HOLLY
Then why have your eyes gone red?
MAGNUS
The kitchen was kinda smoky?
HOLLY
Glowing red.
MAGNUS
Whatever. You’ve been drinking too much moonshine.
HOLLY
Also… you’re floating two feet off the floor.
MAGNUS
I’m what? Whoa! What the hell?
HOLLY
I told you. I think you’re possessed or something!
MAGNUS
Ha! How cool is this?! I wonder if I can fly?
A whoosh. Magnus cries out as he runs smack into the wall.
HOLLY
Magnus!
MAGNUS
(panting)
Ow. Okay. I’m okay. Just… stuck to the wall, apparently.
LORD JONEWOOD
I say, this is a bit more exciting than the Jackalope Sanctuary fundraiser, what?
HOLLY
Magnus, what did you do?!
MAGNUS
I swear, it wasn’t me!
EXT. FOREST, MIDNIGHT
A discordant shimmer of magic.
ATEN-ABEN
It is done.
PARABEL
Just like that?
ATEN-ABEN
Yes. All that remains is for you to await the birth.
PARABEL
Good. Good.
WITHROW
So… are we all done here?
ATEN-ABEN
Just one question.
PARABEL
Yes, O demon.
ATEN-ABEN
There’s a boy lying in the bushes.
WITHROW
There’s—what? No…
PARABEL
(hisses)
I thought you said you hid him!
WITHROW
I did!
ATEN-ABEN
I can sense his body heat.
Who is this?
WITHROW
The kid? Oh, he’s nobody important. I already made him forget what he saw tonight.
MAGNUS
(snores)
PARABEL
And you’re absolutely sure about that? If Alba finds out…
ATEN-ABEN
What’s this about Alba?
PARABEL
Oh, nothing…
(struck by a sudden thought)
Would you care for a sacrifice? Would that help with the baby’s destiny?
WITHROW
No, no! If Magnus goes missing, Alba’s gonna start figuring things out.
ATEN-ABEN
Does this boy work for her?
WITHROW
He’s her apprentice.
ATEN-ABEN
Is he really! And she’s the Royal Physician now, yes?
PARABEL
Yes. Yes, she is.
ATEN-ABEN
Well then, this should work out perfectly.
PARABEL
Yes?
ATEN-ABEN
When it comes time for the baby to be born…
A magical shimmer.
MAGNUS
(gasps in his sleep)
ATEN-ABEN
young Magnus here shall assist with the delivery.
FADE TO:
INT. BALLROOM
MAGNUS
Seriously, all I did was float some dishes. I can’t fly a whole building full of people.
HOLLY
Try it, though! Maybe… think about veering to the left?
MAGNUS
Veering to the left… veering…!
No.
HOLLY
No, really, really concentrate on it.
MAGNUS
All right, all right.
(grunts through gritted teeth)
The whole building creaks. A few screams from the guests.
HOLLY
There! There it is!
MAGNUS
(in sudden agony)
Aghhh!
HOLLY
Oh geez. Magnus, are you okay?
MAGNUS
(groans)
Okay, maybe you’re right. It feels like I’m being pulled through the air towards something. But I can’t control it. Holly… it’s… the second I try, it’s like I’m being stabbed in both ears!
HOLLY
Okay. Okay, deep breaths.
MAGNUS
(calming)
Aw, man…
HOLLY
Just… stay put. I’m going to go find Alba.
She flies off.
MAGNUS
I’m stuck to this wall. Where am I gonna go?
I mean, besides Hell.
MUSIC STING
INT. STOREROOM
ALBA
So why don’t you just transport her to your dimension? Why fly a whole building all the way across the planar convergence?
ATEN-ABEN
Style, my good woman.
ALBA
You don’t have the power to do it yourself.
ATEN-ABEN
(caught out)
I’m flying the building, aren’t I?
ALBA
Are you?
ATEN-ABEN
Not long now! We should be crossing out of this dimension in just a few minutes. How’s the patient?
PARABEL
(under her breath)
The patient will see you burn in your own hellfire.
ALBA
She’s fine.
ATEN-ABEN
Excellent. Still a good while between contractions? Can’t have the baby arrive until we’re safely on terra inferna.
PARABEL
So my child will be king in Hell?
ATEN-ABEN
Oh yes. My home country, to begin with, but with his power we could rule whole continents.
PARABEL
And what’s to become of me, then?
GUNTHER
(through the door)
Parabel? Parabel, are you in there?
PARABEL
Gunther!
GUNTHER
(through the door)
Parabel! I’m coming.
The door rattles, but it’s locked.
ATEN-ABEN
Oh, no, no, no.
This simply will not do.
PARABEL
Gunther!
Gunther takes a running start. The door bursts open and he tumbles into the room.
PARABEL
(gasps)
Oh my.
GUNTHER
Darling! You’re safe.
ALBA
Gunther, run!
GUNTHER
Why? What’s going on?
ATEN-ABEN
The witch is right. We can’t have the husband present.
Gunther strides over.
GUNTHER
Who on earth are you? Explain yourself, sir!
ATEN-ABEN
Am I right, Alba? Men—they always think they can handle it, and halfway through they faint, just like that.
He snaps his fingers. A sharp crackle of magical energy and Gunther collapses to the floor with a groan.
PARABEL
Gunther! No!
ALBA
Gunther!
PARABEL
(cold fury)
What have you done to him?
ATEN-ABEN
He’s just asleep, probably.
What does it matter?
PARABEL
That is my husband. The King of Farloria. Father of my child.
ATEN-ABEN
And no harm will come to him if you behave yourself.
PARABEL
(steely)
Yes. Of course.
Alba has moved over to examine Gunther.
ALBA
He’s breathing.
ATEN-ABEN
Told you.
ALBA
Hmm. His Majesty’s pupils look normal. I think he’ll be all right.
PARABEL
Well, that’s something.
HOLLY
(whispers)
Alba!
ALBA
(startled gasp, then, in a barely audible whisper)
Holly. Get out of sight.
ATEN-ABEN
What’s that?
ALBA
Nothing.
ATEN-ABEN
Who are you talking to?
CUT TO:
INT. HALLWAY—CONTINUOUS
We hear the roar of the wind, and Holly’s breathing, very close. The voices of Parabel, Alba and Aten-Aben emerge from the room.
ALBA
No one. Just myself. Clearly this tense situation is getting to me.
Holly’s wings flutter as she flies up to the rafters.
ATEN-ABEN
There had better not be anyone out in the hall.
As he speaks, he pokes his head out the door. Holly holds her breath.
ATEN-ABEN
Hmph. I could have sworn I heard someone.
He slams the door. The voices are muffled now.
ALBA
I told you. It’s just me and the voices in my head.
ATEN-ABEN
You talk too much.
ALBA
We do, don’t we Parabel? We’re so fairy talkative. Fairy, fairy talkative.
PARABEL
What’s that supposed to mean?
ALBA
It would be fairy good indeed and help people…
HOLLY
(gasps)
ALBA
…if you were to get hold of your tongue.
PARABEL
What? Do you think I should have been the quiet and dutiful little girl, while you lectured me at every turn?
ATEN-ABEN
Both of you be quiet.
ALBA
I’m just saying. Parabel just has a tongue like a viper. It’s practically poisonous.
PARABEL
You’re one to talk.
ATEN-ABEN
I won’t ask you again.
ALBA
What? Blame her. And her poisonous viper tongue.
ATEN-ABEN
One more word and I’m going to chuck your beloved king overboard. Understood?
ALBA
Mm hmm.
HOLLY
(whispers)
You got it, Alba. We’re on the case.
MUSIC STING
INT. PEARCEY’S APARTMENT
LEON
Today, 10 to 10:15am.
Stop in at florist to change order for centrepieces: fifty orange vipertongue blooms.
PEARCEY
Florist?
LEON
Apologize to them for last-minute change but make request top priority.
PEARCEY
When did even I put that in the calendar?
Loria enters, dressing for work.
LORIA
What’s up, babe?
PEARCEY
Nothing, just… another new appointment I don’t remember making.
LORIA
Spooky. Like when it told you to buy an umbrella?
PEARCEY
Yes… and I wish I had. I got drenched without one.
LORIA
So, just to be clear, you’ve got a piece of rock possessed by a dead guy…
PEARCEY
I have a Prescient Outsourced Presence who tracks my schedule.
LORIA
And fills it with random things.
PEARCEY
Only occasionally. And they’ve been very useful random things.
LORIA
Now you’re all “Trust Leon. He’s always right.”
PEARCEY
I thought you liked him.
LORIA
I’m just saying. You better not lead my Tally wrong, Mister Rock, or you’re gonna be paving a road. Got me?
LEON
I strive for reliability and accuracy.
PEARCEY
Is that everything in the calendar, Leon?
LEON
No further events. I have cleared your schedule in case of further contingencies.
PEARCEY
Good.
This gala is going to be the end of me.
LORIA
You’re gonna be fine. You got this. You always do.
PEARCEY
No swan boats.
LORIA
No swan boats! You’re gonna be amazing.
PEARCEY
Thanks, love. See you tonight.
They kiss.
LORIA
There’s a ton of paperwork coming down, so I’m probably gonna be a bit late. Save me some wine?
PEARCEY
I will.
Loria heads out. The door shuts behind her.
FADE TO:
INT. BALLROOM
Nervous chatter amongst the guests as the building flies onward.
PEARCEY
(to herself)
No swan boats. No swan boats.
(aloud)
Everyone, please calm down. Let’s not jump to any hasty conclusions.
MAGNUS
Yeah, exactly! The reason I am stuck halfway up this wall is because of a rare equilibrium between the aero-static forces and… the fabric of my robe.
PRESTON
What’s wrong with your eyes?
MAGNUS
Nothing! I am simply tired from cooking… and so I am keeping my eyes shut so that they can rest.
LADY JONEWOOD
He’s in league with the demon!
LORD JONEWOOD
Yes, yes! Out the window with him!
MAGNUS
No! Guys! Listen, I’m pretty sure I’m the only thing keeping this building from crashing to the ground.
Holly bursts back in and begins flying rapidly around the room, gathering flowers.
HOLLY
(shouting as she flies)
Everyone! I need your help.
PEARCEY
Where are the King and Queen? Are they safe?
HOLLY
They’re in the back. Alba’s with them.
PEARCEY
And the demon?
HOLLY
Yes. He’s got them in the storeroom.
Gasps and mutters.
HOLLY
But Alba figured it out! All we have to do is gather up all the flowers from the centrepieces.
PEARCEY
What?
HOLLY
They’re called vipertongues.
PEARCEY
Of course! That’s what they were for.
Yes. Everyone, please gather up the orange flowers and give them to Holly.
PRESTON
Ugh. No, get those things away from me!
(sneezes)
PEARCEY
(to Holly)
Some of our guests have been sneezing all night. So do these cause more severe reactions in demonic species?
HOLLY
Exactly! We’re going to smoke this demon out, everybody!
Which I’m feeling a little bit conflicted about. I mean, we’re healers. We’re not supposed to harm anyone, but… he is doing very bad things.
PEARCEY
I think we can safely make an exception.
MUSIC STING
INT. STOREROOM
ATEN-ABEN
(sings)
Six hundred and sixty-six souls in a bag, six hundred and sixty-six souls…
You’re not singing!
(sings)
take one down, thrash it around—
(sneezes)
ALBA
Bless you.
ATEN-ABEN
Very funny.
(sniffs, sneezes)
What’s that smell?
ALBA
(feigning innocence)
What smell?
PARABEL
I smell flowers.
(sneezes)
ATEN-ABEN
Ugh. What is going on?!
(sneezes again)
This is some sort of trick!
ALBA
It’s probably just the catering staff. They’ve been having a lot of trouble in the kitchen.
ATEN-ABEN
(shivering with cold)
Witch! What have you done to me?
ALBA
I haven’t done anything.
ATEN-ABEN
Liar.
ALBA
You took all my magic, remember?
ATEN-ABEN
Tell me what is happening!
ALBA
(with exaggerated sympathy)
Oh dear. You’re going a bit purple. Are you cold?
ATEN-ABEN
Yes!
ALBA
I’d say it looks like APF.
ATEN-ABEN
Which is?
ALBA
Acute Pyrostatic Failure. A dangerous condition for a demon. Your core temperature is plummeting.
ATEN-ABEN
(now gasping for breath)
You poisoned me.
ALBA
Did I? Have I left this room?
ATEN-ABEN
You were passing messages to your staff. All that talk about poison and tongues… It was code. This is some kind of toxin, isn’t it?
ALBA
You demons really have to be careful when you leave your home dimension. It’s freezing cold up here.
ATEN-ABEN
You’re going to pay for this.
Aten-Aben staggers forward, but Parabel suddenly pushes her way between them.
PARABEL
Oh no. You will not touch my sister.
ALBA
Parabel.
ATEN-ABEN
Out of the way, Queen.
PARABEL
Surely you wouldn’t do anything to harm the baby.
ATEN-ABEN
I could do a lot to you to without harming the baby. Besides, I intend to claim custody of the child once he’s born. And I can only do that if he’s an orphan.
PARABEL
Why, you loathsome creature.
ATEN-ABEN
It’s called How to Get Ahead in Hell. If something’s getting in your way, destroy it.
He rises and walks over to Gunther.
ATEN-ABEN
In fact, let’s start right at the top.
It’s been a good reign for old King Gunther, hasn’t it?
Another magical charge begins to build. Aten-Aben strains mightily.
PARABEL
Stop this!
ATEN-ABEN
He’s probably not gonna rate more than a page or two in the history books, but who knows? I guess that’s gonna be a question for the scholars.
PARABEL
No! Gunther!
The magic builds to a crescendo—then Alba slams a chair into Aten-Aben’s head. He staggers, and the magic dies instantly.
ATEN-ABEN
Augh! Dammit!
ALBA
I might not have magic, but luckily, we’re locked up in a storeroom full of chairs.
ATEN-ABEN
Get away from me, human!
(straining)
ALBA
Aww, is somebody short on power?
ATEN-ABEN
(panting)
Witch! I will throw you in the Dungeon of Thorns myself. A few centuries there should rid you of that smugness.
He tries another spell, but it’s weaker still. An icy crackling
ALBA
That’s another symptom of APF. Your body’s Lugosi cells are shutting down. You’re out of power too, Aten-Aben.
PARABEL
Yes, demon. How does it feel?!
Parabel picks up another chair and hits him as well. Aten-Aben groans and slumps to the floor.
ALBA
Nice swing.
PARABEL
Thank you.
Good heavens. Did we really just…
ALBA
Knock out a demon?
PARABEL
Yes.
ALBA
Yes. Good job!
They share a laugh. Then:
PARABEL
We should tip him overboard before he causes any more trouble.
ALBA
I’ll do it. Stay here. I’ll be back in a minute.
PARABEL
Alba… be careful.
CUT TO:
INT. HALLWAY—CONTINUOUS
The door opens, and Alba begins dragging Aten-Aben to the back door.
HOLLY
Did it work? Yes!
ALBA
Yes, it did. Thank you, Holly.
HOLLY
It wasn’t just me! Ms Pearcey ordered the flowers, and you gave me the idea to use them, and everybody else helped me gather them up.
ALBA
Help me open the back door.
HOLLY
You’re going to… oh my gosh.
ALBA
Yes I am. And we need to do it fast. If we cross into the Infernal Plane, he’s going to start regaining his strength.
HOLLY
Okay…
Together they open the door. It blows violently open. The wind howls outside.
HOLLY
Oh gosh!
ALBA
Be careful, Holly!
Alba strains to shove the demon out without being pulled out herself.
ATEN-ABEN
(weakly)
It won’t do you any good, you know.
ALBA
What won’t?
ATEN-ABEN
This building is still on course. Even without me, it’s going to fly all the way to the Pits of Qwaytox.
(laughs)
Sorry, Alba. Your sister’s boy is still going to be born in Hell.
ALBA
Maybe. But at least he won’t be raised by you.
She shoves. Aten-Aben screams as he falls.
Then, nothing but the howling wind.
HOLLY
Are you all right, Alba?
ALBA
Better.
I’m going to look after Parabel. Can you head back to the ballroom and tell our guests what’s happening?
HOLLY
Not yet. I’ve got a job to do.
ALBA
What job? Where are you going?
HOLLY
I’m going to turn this carriage house around.
ALBA
You’re what? Holly, no!
Holly launches herself out the door.
She strains and beats the air with her wings.
ALBA
Holly!
HOLLY
It’s okay, Alba. I’ve got this.
She screams fiercely as the storm swirls around her.
CUT TO:
INT. BALLROOM
The walls groan and crack. The chandelier smashes to the ground. Guests scream.
PEARCEY
Is everyone all right? Hold on!
Magnus, what’s happening?
MAGNUS
I don’t know! You guys, it’s like something’s trying to push us off course.
Aaaaa—!
SHOCK CUT TO:
EXT. CARRIAGE HOUSE
HOLLY
Come on! You can’t—fight—the Queen of the Wind!
The boards she’s hanging onto crack and fall away. Holly careens off into the night sky, screaming.
FADE OUT.
INT. BALLROOM
The carriage house is still in flight, but no longer being buffeted by turbulence.
MAGNUS
So, how’s it looking, boss?
ALBA
It’s definitely some kind of Qwaytoxian magic. Your body is being pulled toward… our destination, whatever that is. If I had my magic, I might be able to dispel it.
MAGNUS
Yeah. Demons kinda suck, you know?
For a minute there, it was like something was fighting me, trying to push us back. It was like we flew into a hurricane.
ALBA
Yes.
MAGNUS
And then it just stopped.
ALBA
Yes.
MAGNUS
Was that Holly?
ALBA
It was.
MAGNUS
Aw… dammit.
I hope she’s okay. I mean, she’s a crazy fairy who eats too many weird mushrooms, but she’s just a better… everything than me, you know?
ALBA
I know.
MAGNUS
That’s where you’re supposed to say, “No, no, you’re brilliant, Magnus.”
ALBA
(chuckles softly)
You’re getting there.
You always had great potential.
MAGNUS
(snickers)
So much for that, eh?
The sky’s starting to get red.
ALBA
Yes. We’re getting near the convergence.
MAGNUS
Oh boy. They basically eat humans, don’t they?
ALBA
It’s not going to be a warm welcome.
MAGNUS
Aw, man.
The door opens.
HOLLY
(out of breath)
I made it. Is everybody okay?
ALBA AND MAGNUS
Holly!
HOLLY
I’m sorry. I couldn’t turn the building around. The demon magic is too strong. I’m sorry, Alba.
ALBA
You did what you could.
MAGNUS
So… I got a question for you, Holly.
HOLLY
What.
MAGNUS
Listen. Do you think, if the building wasn’t flying… do you think you could carry it? Or bring it down safe, at least?
HOLLY
You mean…
MAGNUS
Like… if I wasn’t here.
ALBA
Magnus.
HOLLY
I think I could probably land the building, but…
MAGNUS
Okay. Good.
HOLLY
But what about you, though? Where are you going?
MAGNUS
Well, see, this beam I’m stuck to? The bricks around it are starting to fall apart. A couple good kicks and it’ll probably come loose.
ALBA
That makes sense. It would have been easier for Aten-Aben to attach you to a beam than a whole building made of different materials.
HOLLY
But… but then you’ll be flying off to Hell. By yourself.
MAGNUS
Better than all of us.
ALBA
I’ll grant you that.
HOLLY
Magnus, you can’t!
MAGNUS
Hey, we gotta do something. I figure it’s gonna get pretty hot in here soon.
HOLLY
It’s going to be so quiet around the House of Healing, you know…
MAGNUS
Aw, you guys will be too busy to notice. And hey, you got Minister Pearcey now. She’s a laugh a minute.
HOLLY
Because I know we fight and get on each other’s nerves a lot, but now and then…
MAGNUS
Yeah. We do okay. We do good in the world. The team that heals together, right?
HOLLY
Right.
Silence.
MAGNUS
So, Alba. Go ahead, say it.
ALBA
Say what?
MAGNUS
“Go to hell, Magnus.”
ALBA
(laughs)
You’re a better person than I was at your age.
MAGNUS
Whoa! Was that praise? I’m not dreaming, am I?
ALBA
All right. There’s not much time left.
MAGNUS
(deep breaths)
Okay. Okay. I… I can do this. I’m gonna—
Holly seizes him in a hug.
MAGNUS
Holly! Geez!
HOLLY
I’m not crying. You’re crying, like a… like a dumb human boy.
MAGNUS
Yeah, that’s me.
ALBA
Take care of yourself down there. We’ll find a way to get you back.
MAGNUS
I’ll be fine. I’m always good. I mean hey, I’ve fought with bandits, and dragons… and I got trapped in Limbo once by an angry goddess, and I managed to get out of there! Hell is gonna be a piece of cake.
ALBA
…Limbo?
MAGNUS
Yeah. Long story. Tell you later.
(to the room)
Okay. Everybody hold on tight! We’re gonna try a thing here.
CUT TO:
EXT. THE NIGHT SKY
Over the wind, we hear a cracking, crunching sound as bricks give way.
MAGNUS
Oh gods!
Another crunch. Broken bricks tumble away.
MAGNUS
Oh geez!
With a twisting, wrenching sound, the beam tears loose and soars past us at an unbelievable speed, carrying a screaming Magnus with it into the distance.
At the same time, the wind begins to whip up into a tornado. We close in on Holly, groaning with effort as she beats her wings furiously.
Finally, there’s a cracking, crashing noise as the carriage house hits the ground.
FADE OUT.
INT. BALLROOM
Gasps and groans.
HOLLY
(nearly fainting from exhaustion)
Did it work? Did we stop in time?
ALBA
It worked. I don’t think we crossed over.
HOLLY
Yay.
Is the Queen all right?
ALBA
Let’s hope so.
PEARCEY
Everyone. We should make our way outside.
ALBA
Oh dear, that’s a nasty cut.
PEARCEY
If you are able, please help out anyone nearby who needs it. And watch out for debris.
ALBA
Keep the pressure on it. I’ll come back around.
Outside, morning birds chirp.
LORD JONEWOOD
I say, is this Hell?
LADY JONEWOOD
I don’t think they have birds in Hell, dearest.
LORD JONEWOOD
Oh, I didn’t realize you’d been.
LADY JONEWOOD
I haven’t!
Not yet.
GUNTHER
My fellow Farlorians, I have good news.
Queen Parabel and her new baby are alive and well.
A cheer goes up.
GUNTHER
I’m afraid we don’t have a name yet. He arrived a little earlier than planned, but he’s certainly a good size.
From inside comes a clap of thunder and the sound of the baby giggling.
PARABEL
(from inside)
Now, stop that!
GUNTHER
And quite… vigorous.
It’s probably safest if nobody goes back there.
PEARCEY
(near exhaustion)
Mister Preston, can you please check the guest list and see who’s unaccounted for? Is the way to the kitchen safe? Hopefully some food survived the trip.
ALBA
Minister, you’ve been on your feet all night. Get some rest.
PEARCEY
But things need to be organized. And we’ll have to find some way to get a message back to Grandville, too…
Oh, goodness. Loria.
ALBA
Antalia Pearcey, have a seat. Doctor’s orders.
PEARCEY
Yes, Alba. Perhaps I’ll just… lie down for a minute.
What about you?
ALBA
Never mind me.
She begins to circulate among the guests outside.
ALBA
Lady Crannion… oh no, that’s broken, isn’t it. Hold it steady—sir, could you look for some cloth and something to use for a splint? I’m going to go and check on Her Majesty and her little one.
Another giggle. More thunder.
ALBA
Wish me luck.
GUNTHER
Well then! I suppose the next question is… does anyone know where we are?
CREDITS
CLOSING THEME
ELI
In “Signed, Sealed, Delivered”, Alba Salix, Volume Two, Episode Six, you heard Barbara Clifford as Alba Salix, Julian Sark as Magnus, Olivia Jon as Holly,
and Elaine O’Neal as Antalia Pearcey,
with Marisa King as Queen Parabel, George Bertwell as King Gunther, Hugh MacLeod as Aten-Aben, Mbula Enobong as Loria Berenice, Abbas Hussain as Withrow Lee,
and special guests Braden Lamb as Leon Stamatis, Alexander Danner as Edgar Preston, and Sarah Golding as Lady Jonewood.
Written and directed by Sean Howard and Eli McIlveen.
Music and sound design by Eli McIlveen.
Associate producers: Michael Hudson, Jack Pevyhouse, Paul Tedesco, Keiko Kanda, Heather Collins and Julian Sark.
Supporting Producer: Kim Bellinger.
Executive Producer: Dave Addison.
If you enjoy the show, check out our Patreon. Donors get weekly bonus content, early access to episodes, and an invite to our wonderful fan community on Discord. Look for the Patreon link at albasalix.com.
TAG: HOLLY DEPARTS
Birds chirp in the background.
ALBA
I just wish there was more I could do.
HOLLY
Alba. You’re doing so much already.
ALBA
I know.
HOLLY
You just work on getting your magic back. Magnus and I will be back before you know it. I’m sure I’ll meet some helpful people along the way!
ALBA
In Hell.
HOLLY
There are nice people everywhere if you look hard enough.
ALBA
Good luck, Holly.
HOLLY
You too. I hope you find your sister!
ALBA
(chuckles)
Oh, don’t remind me.
HOLLY
Bye Alba.
Music swells as she takes to the air.
HOLLY
I’m on my way, Magnus!