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13: Between, Part 1

Transported to a mysterious land by an angry goddess, our adventurers become separated from one another — and their sanity.

Download MP3 (87 MB)

Game Master: Sean Howard
Players: Marisa King, Michael Howie and Carter Siddall, plus special guest Julian Sark.

Dialogue editing and transcription: Michael Howie
Additional material and sound design: Eli McIlveen
Story consultant: Laura Packer
Game consultant: Stephen Smith

Content Warning: Panic! Jump scares! Bodily harm! Freaking out!

This week’s shout out goes to Spout Lore – a superb and hilarious actual-play using Dungeon World and improv.

LAST TIME…

Fast-paced music plays.

ANNOUNCER

Last time on The End of Time and Other Bothers:

A violent crash of lightning.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

My name is Magnus! I’m a monk from Dragon Mountain?

SEAN (AS THE HIGH PRIESTESS)

Yes, Blat! Morrigu can grant your deepest desire.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Whatever they’re offering you, you have to fight it!

SEAN

You all hit the ground…

Everyone shouts in alarm.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Darcy?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Buddy?

SEAN

Darcy is not getting up.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

What’s wrong with her?!

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

Well, she’s totally dead!

Laughter.

SEAN (AS DEATH)

Welcome to Death.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Oh, come on!

All right, if I can get you a fairy cake, will you let me go back?

SEAN (AS DEATH)

And save time.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Well, yeah.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

The priestess is…?

SEAN (AS A SLAAD)

Standing right behind you, Chosen One!

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Don’t you ever die?!

SEAN (AS THE HIGH PRIESTESS)

You have chosen to abandon Morrigu!

MARISA

(rolling a die)

A deep, guttural roar comes from out of me and I transform into a—oooh! Grizzly bear!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Bazooka!

The bazooka assembles and fires. A rocket explodes.

SEAN

The body of the priestess hits the ground.

SEAN (AS CELENE)

(a merry, echoing laugh)

SEAN

In the chariot is Celene.

SEAN (AS CELENE)

The Oracle is speaking again.

And there is but one thing left for you to do, Blat: sanctify this temple again, to the goddess of your choosing.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Loxsyn! We choose Loxsyn!

SEAN

And poof! Blat is no longer standing there.

MARISA

(groans)

Oh God.

EVERYTHING DISAPPEARS

SEAN

Darcy, Eggerton, Blat and Magnum—I mean Magnus—are all standing in what’s left of the stump of this massive tree, when Blat goes to say,

CARTER (AS BLAT)

I feel that you’re being very rude and unfair and thus, you will not be the goddess of this large tree!

SEAN

And that’s when Blat and Celene the goddess of the moon and her chariot disappear.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rrrr rrrr!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

She said “Oh jeez.”

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

My sentiments exactly.

SEAN

And a warm light starts to break through the clouds from above. And Darcy’s amulet around her neck begins to glow brightly with this warm, soft light and a shaft of sunlight breaks through the clouds and highlights all of you standing there, and you feel just enraptured by a divine presence.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

(softly)

Rrrrr.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

(softly)

Rrrrr.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

(softly)

Rrrrr.

SEAN

And that’s when everything disappears.

Theme music plays.

ANNOUNCER

The End of Time and Other Bothers: an improvised fantasy roleplaying game set in the world of Alba Salix. Your Game Master is Sean Howard, with players Carter Siddall, Marisa King and Michael Howie, and special guest Julian Sark.

Episode 13: Between, Part 1.

BLAT

Birds sing in the background, but there’s an unnatural edge to the sound.

SEAN

Blat, you appear suddenly in a glade—but the colour is off. It’s hard to even wrap your mind around how you know that. Everything is just a different hue.

There’s a path leading through this glade and off into the trees, and when you look upwards, it’s neither daylight nor night.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

This is like the televisual device that I had as a child! My father and I could not afford a very good one. So the colour scheme was always slightly off. I’m quite used to this.

SEAN

And something flits past you in the corner of your vision.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Oh!

CARTER

And Blat turns around to see if he can see what flitted past him.

SEAN

And you see a path that leads in that direction into the forest.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Oh. So I could go this way… or I could go the other way. It’s a game of Onesy-Twosy. What shall I choose?

(chants)

Onesy-twosies, apple and pear, tell me which way I should stare.

CARTER

And Blat heads south.

DARCY, EGGERTON AND MAGNUS

SEAN

Darcy, Magnus and Eggerton, you all appear in a much colder, chillier place. It is a glade and there’s a path leading through this glade, but the colours are all like, strangely just off by a certain number of degrees. It’s hard to explain. The grass, when you look at it long enough, you say “That’s green.” But then, when you turn away, out of the corner your eye, it’s not green. And there’s just a dark forest and the sky above you is just a strange blank.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rr rrrr!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

I agree, this is definitely very unusual. I’m not entirely sure what we should be doing here.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

This is really weird.

Silence.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

(laughing)

Well, I guess we should start walking in a direction, because we have not been prompted with any other information that could help tell the story at this point.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rrrr!

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

All right, well, let’s go this way then.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Oh—well, I was thinking we’d go the other way.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

What—why would you want to go that way?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Well, it just seems like the natural choice. I mean, if you were to sit down and say, this direction is one way, and that direction is the second way, and then bounce back and forth with some kind of limerick or song in your head, you would probably land on this direction.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

You mean like onesy-twosy, redsy-bluesy?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Yeah, you’ve heard of it!

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

Yeah. Like, five-year-olds play that.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Yeah, but I mostly prefer to use apples and pears—it doesn’t matter. Doesn’t matter. Okay let’s just go in this direction.

SEAN

Magnus, something catches your eye, off in the forest, like, as if you’re being watched.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

(alert)

What’s that?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

What’s what?

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

The thing over there.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Where?

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

The… brush just rustled.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

The brush rustled?

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

Yes, the brush rustled. Brushes rustle! That’s what they do.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rrrrr.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Uh-oh.

MARISA

So Darcy uses her heightened sense of smell. Can I either pick up Blat’s scent or the scent of whoever’s in the bushes?

SEAN

Yes. Darcy, you can smell Blat going, like, it’s stronger in one direction.

MARISA

Okay. So I start moving in the direction that Blat went in.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rrr! Rrrr rr!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Oh! She says she can smell Blat. We should probably follow her. Plus she’s, you know, a giant grizzly bear.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

All right. Sure. Let’s do that. Let’s follow a grizzly bear.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rrr!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Onward!

BLAT

SEAN

Blat. You walk into a glade that’s identical to the glade you were in before.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

(puzzled)

Oh…

SEAN

And again there’s a path that leads through it and out the other side.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Have I gone in a big circle? Oh no. Has Onesy-Twosy Apples and Pears… has it let me down? Oh, ever since I was a child that always put me in the right direction.

Well, I’ll have to test this theory. I’ll sally forth in the direction that I’m currently walking.

SEAN

And something flits across the path, almost right in front of you, but you just… it’s like you can’t see it clearly.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Hmm. Perhaps I should get off the path and follow this thing that moved very quickly.

CARTER

Blat heads in the direction of this movement that he saw.

SEAN

Okay. So as you approach the trees, they almost seem to bend away. There’s a path leading into the forest.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Oh! I found the secret hidden path. Thank you… thing that moves quickly. Although that still doesn’t explain why Onesy-Twosy Apples and Pears let me down… I can’t think about that now.

SEAN (AS A FAIRY)

(a high, child-like voice)

Well, that’s simple! It’s “Onesy, twosy, bottle and chair!” That’s the only one that works.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Well, you see, bottle and chair isn’t actually two sides of the same coin… Hey, wait a second! Who said that?!

SEAN

There’s nobody there.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

I see. As punishment for defying a goddess, I’m now alone in the middle of a magical forest and slowly going insane.

SEAN

There’s a giggle.

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Hee-hee-hee-hee!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

I’m glad that you agree with me, brain! I’m slowly going mad. I guess I’ll take this secret hidden path deeper into the woods, and perhaps I’ll find someone I know. Or some confirmation that I’ve finally gone completely bonkers.

SEAN

And Blat steps off the trail and it closes behind him, but there’s a path leading in front of you.

DARCY, EGGERTON AND MAGNUS

SEAN

We come back to the three of you, who are traveling, and walking on the path that never turns…

MARISA (AS DARCY)

(sniffing)

SEAN

And all of a sudden—Darcy, you are back leading—you see the glade you started in. And now you smell Blat’s trail really getting cold. But you smell your trail in front of you.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

(sniffs)

Rrrr!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

It wasn’t me. Don’t look at me!

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rrr rr rrr rr!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Oh, no, sorry, I thought you said something else.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

What’s she trying to tell us?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

She says that she lost the trail of Blat, but she picked up our trail again. Which doesn’t really make sense, because we would have kept going the same direction that would make this a very, very small area for us to have wrapped around the whole way. So what’s probably happening is some kind of shift in the wind, which means our scents are being thrown ahead of us somehow, and confusing her bear mind.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

Right. Or we just walked in a circle.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Yes, that is also possible. But I think my theory of shifting wind patterns and, you know, the changing climates of this land probably have more to do with it.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

RRRRRR.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Oh yeah, sorry.

MARISA

So I start to stick my nose into the bushes. Can I smell anything different or unusual?

SEAN

Roll for me. Discern Realities.

MARISA

It’s a 3.

SEAN

No. You don’t smell anything, Darcy, except that you smell your path now, leading the way you’re going out of this glade again.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rrrr rr!

I don’t know where we should go! You’re the one with the big nose.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rrrrr.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Well, it’s a nice-looking nose, yeah. But it’s still big.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Rrrr rr!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay. Okay, fine. With your average-size grizzly bear nose that performs adequately under pressure.

MARISA

So Darcy just starts in the direction that they were already going. And keeps going in that direction.

SEAN

Okay.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rrr rrrr.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay, just stop looking at her nose and let’s go.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

I wasn’t looking at her nose!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay! It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s just—let’s go. Let’s not talk about it any more.

SEAN

So Magnus and Eggerton, you bump into Darcy as she comes to a stop because you have re-entered the glade again… and you smell your trail slowly diminishing ahead of you.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

RRRR!

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

What is happening here?!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

It seems to me, as the leader of our group, that—

SEAN

(snickers)

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

It seems to me that, as the leader of our group—

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rrr?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Yes—that something weird is happening here, and we should probably, you know, figure out why that weird thing is happening. And then we can maybe find a solution to that weird thing happening. And then we can find Blat and then we can go home.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

Okay, so what I say, as the not-leader of this group, but a very smart person, is that we go in the opposite direction of the direction we’ve been going. And then maybe this whole thing of coming up where we were before will stop happening.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rrrr.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay, as the leader I endorse this action. Thank you, Advisor Number 2.

MARISA

Darcy has already started off in the other direction.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay, wait, wait, wait, here we come, here we come.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rrr rrrr!

SEAN

And you re-enter the glade again.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

RRRRRRRR!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

That was an excellent expression of rage, Bearcy. And it reflects how all of us feel.

So. What I can understand at this point is, we’ve all lost our minds collectively.

MARISA

(laughs)

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

And that’s it’s… not good.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

What if we just give up on this path altogether, and just step into the woods?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay. You go first.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

(nervously)

Fine. I’m gonna go first.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay, go.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

I’m stepping into the woods.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay, I’m waiting for you to step into the woods.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

I’m walking into the woods.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

I’m seeing you—you’re walking, but you’re not in the woods yet…

SEAN

It’s getting really dark as you step in.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

(more and more nervous)

It’s getting really dark in here, but I am going into the woods! Is anybody with me?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rrrrr.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay. Let us know what you see once you get a little further—

SEAN

You catch something, out of the corner your eye, zip across.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

I just saw something!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Was it a rustling brush?

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

I don’t know! There was a sound… there was a rustling of something. I couldn’t see it—

SEAN (AS A SINISTER VOICE)

Come deeper, little one.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

(whimpers)

Something just talked to me! It’s telling me to come deeper into the wood—guy, you’ve got to come in here.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rrr rr rr rrr!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Yeah. Okay. You keep going and report back… Recon Team Alpha.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rrr rrr rrrr rr!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

What, don’t—stop pushing me! Stop pushing me!

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rr rr!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Fine. Okay, we’re coming, we’re coming.

MIKE

So we walk forward.

MARISA

So we follow Magnus into the woods.

SEAN

You can’t find Magnus.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rrr? Rrr rr rrrr!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

I don’t know where he went.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rr rrrr!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay. So I was not the one who said we wouldn’t go into the woods after him.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rrrrr.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

It’s okay. We’ll find him. We’ll find him. He’s…

SEAN

So Magnus, you’re still waiting for them to come after you.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

Guys!

SEAN

You can hear him.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay, okay, okay—

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

Guys?!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Yeah, we’re coming! Where are you?

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

I’m right here!

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rrrr rrr!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

We are also right here! Where are you?

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

I’m by some trees?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Is it this tree?

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

I don’t know if it’s that tree! Where are you guys?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

We’re next to some trees!

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

Which trees?!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Well, it’s kind of brown. It’s got some leaves on it.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

Okay. I’m looking at this tree. I’m looking at this tree really closely. Okay. Look, there’s, uh, there’s some moss at the bottom.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Yeah.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

Uh… it looks like a pine tree of some kind.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Yeah, it’s the same tree I’m looking at.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

Well, where are you? I can’t see you.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

I can’t see you.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

Oh. You’re on the other side of the tree. I’m just going to go to the other side of the tree…

You’re not there.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay, no, I went to the other side of the tree. I thought I was going to the other side of the tree and you were staying.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

No, no, no. I was coming to you. You just stay where you are.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay, I’ll stay where I am and—

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rrrrr rrr!

MARISA

And Darcy starts to climb one of the nearest trees.

SEAN

Okay.

MARISA

So I’m not sure how far grizzlies can go up a tree, but I’m gonna say maybe I get about halfway up a tree?

SEAN

You can go all the way up the tree.

MARISA

Oh, there you go.

So I climb up the tree, and can I see anything now that I’m above the tree line a little bit?

SEAN

Yeah. So you see a small glade a few steps behind you. And then you see forest that extends as far as your eye can see in every direction.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

(“Uh-oh.”)

Rr-rrrr.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

Okay. So. You stay where you are. I’m coming around the tree.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

Here I come.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

All right. I’m on the other side of the tree. Where are you?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay. I went to the left. Did you come to the right?

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

(sighs)

I went to the right! Just… stay still.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

Just stay still and I’m coming around the tree.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Wait, where’s Darcy?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rrr rrr.

MARISA

And I start coming down the tree.

SEAN

Okay. You don’t see either of them.

MARISA

(laughs)

Oh, come on!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Darcy, where are you?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rrrrr!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Yeah. Okay. No. So I’m on the left side of the tree.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

(grumbles)

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Magnus is on the right side of the tree. Which side of the tree are you on?

MARISA

And Darcy starts to shake the tree that she’s just come down, really hard.

SEAN

You both see the tree shake.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

RRRR!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay. My tree is shaking.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

My tree is shaking!

MARISA (AS DARCY)

(puzzled)

Rrr?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

(laughing)

Okay.

BLAT

SEAN

Cut to:

CARTER (AS BLAT)

(singing)

I’m not… losing my mind. I’m not… losing my mind.

See, the secret is, if you know that you’re sane, you’ll stay sane. And I have never felt more sane, despite the fact I don’t know where I am, I don’t know what direction I’m going in, and there’s a creepy voice that keeps interrupting me.

SEAN (AS A VOICE)

A creepy voice?

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Yes, a creepy voice! Something that just enters my brain despite me not knowing where it’s coming from or who the person is.

I’m going to assume it’s not disconcerting. Because it’s not. Because I’m sane.

SEAN (AS THE VOICE)

(actually more jovial than creepy)

Hm. You know, we don’t meet too many people wandering around in this here woods.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

No, because usually people wandering around in the woods is something that crazy people do!

(laughing nervously)

But I’m not crazy, and… how about you? Are you crazy?

SEAN (AS THE VOICE)

Uh… It’s a good question, actually!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Ah! You’re not sure!

SEAN (AS THE VOICE)

No, I’m really not.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

I guess I’m going to have to be in charge of this expedition.

SEAN (AS THE VOICE)

You could just come and have a seat here at my camp, though, if you wanted.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

That’s tempting… I’m worried though, that if I turn around and look for you, that you’re not going to be there. And if you’re not… I’m going to start worrying that maybe I’m a little bit crazy.

SEAN (AS THE VOICE)

That’s quite the dilemma, actually. Yeah. Because if you don’t look, you won’t know if you’re crazy. Which might be better than knowing you’re crazy.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Exactly. What if I ask you this…

SEAN (AS THE VOICE)

What if I were to come around in front of you. Then you don’t have to move and you can just find out—would that be better, to find out secondhand that you’re crazy?

CARTER (AS BLAT)

No, I like that. I like that. That’s better than what I was going to suggest. All right. I’m going to keep my eyes open, and continue staring ahead, and if someone, say in the next thirty seconds, should cross my field of vision, well then, I’m not crazy!

SEAN

So someone dressed in black slowly steps out in front of you, and then crosses across, off the path and then around behind you again.

SEAN (AS THE VOICE)

Well?

CARTER (AS BLAT)

(laughing even more nervously)

Well, there you were! I saw you!

SEAN (AS THE VOICE)

You did?

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Yep, you’re you’re dressed in a black robe!

SEAN (AS THE VOICE)

Huh! Look at that. Maybe you’re not crazy.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

No, no.

SEAN (AS THE VOICE)

Maybe I’m crazy still.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Well…

SEAN (AS THE VOICE)

Wait. I’m gonna stare straight ahead, and then you come around.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

(laughing)

Oookay. I’m just gonna walk in a big circle, going behind me, and I should cross your field of vision.

SEAN (AS THE VOICE)

Okay!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

All right.

SEAN (AS THE VOICE)

Right.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Keep them peepers open real wide!

SEAN (AS THE VOICE)

I’m ready!

CARTER

Blat walks in a circle, going around in the back of him, then goes back to his original position.

SEAN (AS THE VOICE)

I saw you!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

You saw me!

SEAN (AS THE VOICE)

I saw you!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Okay! Here’s what I’m worried about: You’re dressed in a black robe.

SEAN (AS THE VOICE)

Yup.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

That’s kinda creepy. So now I don’t think I’m crazy… but I am worried I’m in mortal danger.

SEAN (AS THE VOICE)

Okay.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

How about you? You saw me. What do you think?

SEAN (AS THE VOICE)

Well, you got big wings.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Yes!

SEAN (AS THE VOICE)

I think you’re a demon…

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Yes!

SEAN (AS THE VOICE)

It’s a little disconcerting!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Aha! So we’re both on the same page.

SEAN (AS THE VOICE)

All right, well maybe if we just tell each other our names then we’ll know each other, and that might help!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Okay! My name is Blat.

SEAN (AS THE VOICE)

Okay. I’m called the Jolly Jester!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

(laughing)

Okay! That’s not a proper name!

Laughter.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Is that a nickname? Or a title of some sort? Is that your job?

SEAN (AS THE VOICE)

I don’t know! What does that mean?!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

I don’t know! It’s your name, you tell me!

SEAN (AS THE VOICE)

Oh my God! What if I am crazy and I have a crazy name?!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

The Jolly… All right, all right, all right, all right, all right. We’ll simplify it.

You’re Jerry the Jolly Jester. All right?

SEAN (AS JERRY)

I got it. Jerry. Jerry the Jolly Jester.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Jerry the… okay.

SEAN (AS JERRY)

Yes! I got it.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

You’re Jerry… and I’m Blat… and we’re both a little scared of each other.

SEAN (AS JERRY)

Yes!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Now. Final question. When you walk around, does it seem like you keep walking into the same place that you left?

SEAN (AS JERRY)

No, that’s crazy!

Silence.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Dammit!

I am a little bit crazy. But does that mean that you then know how to get out of here?

SEAN (AS JERRY)

Of course!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

You do!

SEAN (AS JERRY)

Yes!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Okay! Jerry the Jolly Jester, I am going to walk in a circle again walking behind me.

SEAN (AS JERRY)

Okay!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

When you see me, stop me… and then together, we’re going to leave this crazy wooded area. All right?

SEAN (AS JERRY)

Okay, but wait! How do I stop you?

CARTER (AS BLAT)

You put your hand out! You put your arm out and you grab me. You grab my arm.

SEAN (AS JERRY)

Okay.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Okay.

SEAN (AS JERRY)

All right.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Here I go, walking in a circle…

SEAN (AS JERRY)

Don’t freak out, because I’m going to grab you.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Oh, that’s… I’ll try not to.

SEAN (AS JERRY)

Okay.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Again, the robe kind of freaks me out a little.

SEAN (AS JERRY)

I can take the robe off!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Uh… that might freak me out more.

SEAN (AS JERRY)

Okay.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Lower the hood.

SEAN (AS JERRY)

Yeah, okay.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Just lower the hood.

SEAN (AS JERRY)

I can do that.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Okay! Here we go, Jerry. I’m walking backwards, knowing that I will be grabbed at any moment.

SEAN

And a hand grabs you.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

(screams)

Aaaaa!

Laughter.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Okay, I’m sorry, I know that that—

SEAN (AS JERRY)

Aaaa! I thought you weren’t going to freak!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

No, I’m sorry! I just… It’s still a little…

(catches his breath again)

Okay, Jerry. Let’s just get a look at ya. What’s your head look like, Jerry? Let’s see.

SEAN

And as you turn to face Jerry, you see the hood has been dropped, but there’s just like a shadowy nothingness above the robe.

Laughter.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

(terrified laughter)

You’re not helping me out here, Jerry.

SEAN (AS JERRY)

What do you mean? What’s the matter? I grabbed you! I grabbed you like you said.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Yes, you did grab me, but you’re not a corporeal being!

SEAN (AS JERRY)

I am! I’m grabbing you right now!

SEAN

You see this shadowy hand wrapped around your arm.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Jerry, I don’t feel like you’re being completely honest with me!

SEAN (AS JERRY)

Okay? What can I do to fix this?

CARTER (AS BLAT)

All right… Jerry, look at me.

SEAN (AS JERRY)

Yeah, I’m looking at you. I’m looking at you! Can’t you see I’m looking at you?!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Sort of…? You see how I’m a physical being?

SEAN (AS JERRY)

Yes?

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Look, I’m going to pinch my skin. Did you see that?

SEAN (AS JERRY)

Yeah?

CARTER (AS BLAT)

I’m skin…

SEAN (AS JERRY)

Okay. Pinch me!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Uh… Okay?

SEAN (AS JERRY)

All right.

CARTER

So Blat pulls his fingers towards Jerry’s hand and tries to pinch him.

SEAN

It’s like a spongy feeling.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Okay…

SEAN (AS JERRY)

I’m feeling that! I’m feeling it!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

All right, you’re sort of here… but you’re sort of not.

SEAN (AS JERRY)

Oh yeah, I’m Shadowborn!

Silence.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

It’s not helping me out, Jerry. You’re still kind of freaking me out. I don’t know what “Shadowborn” is.

SEAN (AS JERRY)

Oh, it just means I’m born in the In-Between. We just call it the Between.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Between what, Jerry.

SEAN (AS JERRY)

Oh, this is going to take a while.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

So… is this like, Limbo? Is this Limbo, Jerry? Am I not in heaven and not in hell but—is that what this is?

SEAN (AS JERRY)

I’m not sure. I don’t think so but I’m not sure!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Okay, to get out of the wooded area.

SEAN (AS JERRY)

Yeah!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Is this like, maybe you live nearby? Maybe you could take me to where you live. Do you live nearby?

SEAN (AS JERRY)

You want to go to the Between?

CARTER (AS BLAT)

(weakly)

Not really, but I don’t know what else to do, Jerry. I pissed off a goddess, and now I’m in the woods that don’t end, and I’m talking to you—do you have a face? Do you have…?

CARTER

And Blat just waves his hand in front of Jerry’s head.

SEAN

His face follows your hand as you wave it.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Like, you have the outline of a head but I’m not seeing any actual features. Do you have like, eyes and a nose?

SEAN (AS JERRY)

I thought I did!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Well, I’m not seeing them, Jerry. I’m not seeing them.

SEAN (AS JERRY)

Okay, well, let’s take a deep breath…

They both take a breath and let it out.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Ahhh.

SEAN (AS JERRY)

Okay. I can take you to the Between.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Okay, the Between.

SEAN (AS JERRY)

Or I can take you wherever you want to go. I think! As long as, you know, you didn’t piss off Celene or anything.

Laughter.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Okay. Jerry, you know how I mentioned earlier that I pissed off a goddess?

SEAN (AS JERRY)

Yeah?

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Okay. Heh. Well, funny thing. Um… the goddess that I specifically pissed off…?

SEAN (AS JERRY)

Yeah?

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Was probably Celene.

SEAN

Poof! He’s gone.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Dammit, Jerry!

MARISA

(laughs)

DARCY, EGGERTON AND MAGNUS

SEAN

We return to Magnus standing next to a shaking tree, Eggerton standing alone next to a shaking tree, and Darcy, who is shaking a tree so hard it’s almost being ripped out of the ground.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rrrrr!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay. The tree’s got pine needles falling off of it now, right?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

(affirmative)

Rrr hrr!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Yeah, okay. Do you see that, Magnus?

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

Yes?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay. So we all agree that the tree in front of us is shaking, pine needles are falling off of it; smells faintly of blueberries and salmon on the one side of the tree.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

(affirmative)

Rrr hrr.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Yeah. So, what exactly is happening in that we are all around the same tree but we’re not around the same tree?

MARISA

So I start to circle the tree. Do I bump into any objects as I circle the tree?

SEAN

You do not.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

(frustrated)

Rr rrr rrrrr!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Exactly. It doesn’t make sense. Now, the only thing that’s changed, to my knowledge, is that this young man here, who claims to be a monk, has arrived.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Hrrr.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

I wonder how much he might have to do with this weirdness.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

What?! What are you talk—I just want to—I want to get out of here just as badly as you do. Okay? And I don’t know what’s happening, but it’s obviously some kind of a magic thing that is happening right now, which is really cool, and I could I could probably appreciate it if I was in a different… But guys! I mean, come on! What are we gonna do?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

(gloomily)

Rrr rrrr.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Me too.

SEAN

You hear a giggle.

SEAN (AS A FAIRY)

Hee hee hee!

SEAN

And something zooms past you, Eggerton.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Oh! I saw a thing! I saw—I think there’s a thing. I gotta go. Okay. Everybody follow me.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rrrf?

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

How are we supposed to follow you? I can’t see you.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Follow my voice, then. I’ll find a way to talk more so you can hear me as I go.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rr hrr.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

Fine. Fine. Go ahead.

MIKE

So I am following the direction the quick thing went.

SEAN

Okay.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay guys, so there’s somebody that went past me and there was a giggle or something, I don’t know what that was about…

SEAN

You hear a different giggle—

SEAN (AS ANOTHER FAIRY)

Hee hee hee!

SEAN

—go past you in a different direction.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Oh! There’s another giggle. We’re shifting! 14 degrees starboard!

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

14 degrees starboard?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Yeah.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

What does that even mean?!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

It’s nautical. I think that as you age you will mature and learn about new things…

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

We’re not on a boat!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Well, that’s the direction it went in and that’s the direction we’re going now.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

(sighs)

Fine. I’m just following your voice.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay. It’s okay.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rrrr.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Yeah. So we’re going to keep going in this direction.

SEAN

And you see, in front of you, on a tree limb, you see a fairy floating.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

(gasps)

Do you guys see that?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rrrr?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

There’s a fairy! And it’s flying. I didn’t know fairies could do that.

SEAN

And she sticks her tongue out at you—

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

(gasps)

SEAN

And then disappears, zoom.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

What! She just stuck her tongue out at me. Okay, I’m going, I’m going! Let’s go!

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rrr hrr!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Up to 15 knots! Let’s move.

MARISA

(laughs)

I start running after him.

JULIAN

Did we see that?

SEAN

Nope. Just Eggerton.

JULIAN

Only he saw that.

SEAN

Only Eggerton, sorry.

JULIAN

Okay, sorry, I just wanted to check in.

SEAN

Yup. Only Eggerton saw that.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

What do you mean 15 knots?!

SEAN

And you hear Eggerton’s voice starting to disappear.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

(urgently)

Rrr rrr rr!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

There’s a fairy, guys! We’re gonna get the fairy!

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

Slow down!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Come with me. It’s okay. We’ll get it! We’ll get it!

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

I didn’t see a fairy. Did you see a fairy?!

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rrrrrr!

SEAN

And all of a sudden, the three of you are back. You burst out of the trees and are in a glade.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Ohh.

JULIAN

Do we see each other yet?

SEAN

Yes, you do.

JULIAN

Okay.

SEAN

So all three of you burst into the glade and can see each other.

JULIAN

Okay.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

(exasperated)

Rrrrr.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Hey guys! I told you I’d get us out of the woods.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

Ugh.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rrrr.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

This better not be the same glade.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Well, once you’ve seen one glade, you’ve kind of seen all the glades, I think. But I feel that every experience we have can be seen as unique, no matter what. So if we keep that in mind, and with a positive attitude, this glade maybe is a different glade… and we’ll be okay.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rrrr rrr rr rrrr!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay. No need for that kind of foul language, Darcy.

SEAN

(laughs)

JULIAN

I want to look for footprints or clear—the signs of places that people have traveled.

SEAN

Okay, so let’s roll Discern Realities.

JULIAN

I have 7… plus what?

MIKE

Intelligence, probably.

JULIAN

Oh, I have nothing.

Laughter.

SEAN

Okay. So you can ask one question, Magnus.

JULIAN

What do I see on the ground?

SEAN

You see the kind of tracks that would appear if a group of people had walked through this glade over and over and over again in different directions.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

God dang it! Look! It’s us! We’ve just been coming through this place like over and over and over again!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay. So I saw a fairy and it was flying around—

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Of course you did!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

What? What?

SEAN

And a fairy settles down out of the trees.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Look, there she is!

MARISA

Can we see this?

SEAN

You can also see the fairy, yes.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

There’s the fairy. I found the fairy.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rrrr?

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

What do you mean? I’m not the only fairy, fairy.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

But… no, I’m a fairy too. But you’re like a fairy fairy, fairy.

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

No you’re a fairy fairy fairy, fairy.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay, “fairy fairy fairy fairy fairy” is not something that we talk about around other people.

SEAN

She sticks her tongue out at you again.

SEAN (AS A FAIRY)

(blows a raspberry)

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

(gasps)

Did you see the attitude?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rrrrr.

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

She’s not going to let you leave the glade. You might as well settle in.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Who’s “she”?

SEAN (AS A FAIRY)

Well, I can’t say her name.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Stephanie?

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

(sarcastic)

Yeah. Stephanie.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

(sighs wearily)

I knew a Stephanie once.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

(disagreement)

Rrr! Rr-rrr!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

No? Not Stephanie?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rr-rrr!

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Oh, you have a bear! I love bears!

SEAN

And the fairy zips around and lands on your shoulders.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rr rrr.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Are you a good fairy?

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

I don’t know. Are you a good fairy fairy, fairy fairy?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Fairly.

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Okay.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

He’s fairly a fairy? What is—what is…?! Who are you? Tell us how to get out of the woods!

SEAN (AS A FAIRY)

She won’t let you leave the woods.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

And you won’t tell us who “she” is.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Stephanie.

SEAN (AS A FAIRY)

Stephanie.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

Stephanie. Who is…?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rr-rrr.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Oh, sorry, sorry. I’m being told it’s Suzanne.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rrrrrr!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Oh no. Cel—

SEAN (AS A FAIRY)

Don’t say the name!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

(chastened)

Okay.

JULIAN

That’s right. That’s right, yeah! They mean Celene!

A sudden crack of thunder.

SEAN (AS A FAIRY)

(screams)

SEAN

And this darkness rushes over the whole forest and glade, and the fairy just pops out of existence.

A little plink! sound.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rrr hrr hrr.

SEAN

And it starts to rain a very cold rain.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

Aw… dang it.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

(miserably)

Rrr-hrr-hrr.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Yeah. We should probably get under Darcy. She’ll keep us dry.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

And I stand up so they can crawl under me.

SEAN

Okay.

And are you guys gonna try and sleep or camp, or?

MARISA

Yes. Sleep please!

MIKE

Yes, let’s make camp under Darcy.

MARISA

(laughs)

But I can’t sleep!

MIKE

Yeah. Bears can…

MARISA

Sleep standing up?

MIKE

Well, maybe on your side with like, a paw up in the air so there’s like an awning.

MARISA

All right. So I collapse onto my side.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rrr.

The three squabble a while.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Don’t put that there!

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

Geez.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rrrr.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Oh sorry. That was my toe.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

Just move over. Move over! I’m getting wet!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

(sneezes)

Sorry. Sorry.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rrrr!

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

Ugh!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

I think I’m allergic to bear.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

You really smell, Darcy.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rr? Rrrr!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Oh, I wouldn’t say that to her when she has the potential to roll and crush us.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

All right, fine. Just let me go to sleep.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay. Okay.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

(snores)

SEAN

And we slowly leave this clearing, as the three adventurers snuggle together in the cold fae rain.

MIDROLL

Theme music plays.

ANNOUNCER

It’s the beginning of the middle of the End of Time and Other Bothers.

SEAN

Hey everyone. Sean here, and super excited to make a couple of announcements before today’s midroll promo. We are going to be at Hamilton Comic Con October 13 and 14. So if you are in the Greater Toronto Area, please stop by and say hi. It’s going to be myself, Eli and I believe Michael’s going to be there. We’re going to have stickers and all kinds of cool stuff.

Also, we want to make an announcement that we are going to be at PodCon in Seattle on January 19 and 20 of next year. So those are the two conferences coming up, and we hope if you’re in the area that you’ll come out and say hi.

And now, into our promo. Today I want to tell you about a show that I can’t stop listening to, and it’s called Spout Lore. It’s a tabletop live-play using comedy improv and the Dungeon World system. How crazy is that. Do you know how rare it is to find another comedy improv live-play that’s also using Dungeon World, just like we are? I can’t stop laughing when I press Play on any of their episodes. I feel like they’ve set the bar for improvisation and comedy in live roleplaying and we can’t get enough. Check them out at spoutlore.com and anywhere you listen to podcasts.

Music sting.

SEAN

Uh, guys? Four-minute call! Has anybody seen Darcy’s chocolate? Because it’s getting… we’re having some issues. She might be coming this way. I wasn’t here!

MARISA

(dangerous)

Have you seen my chocolate?!

CARTER

(tentatively)

I have not.

MIKE

Nope.

CARTER

But… the person who’s a guest star may have. Don’t kill a continuing cast member.

MARISA

(darkly)

Hello.

JULIAN

Hi Darcy!

MARISA

Have you seen my chocolate?

JULIAN

I saw your chocolate, in the past tense… about 10 minutes ago?

MARISA

What’s that on your lip? Is that… chocolate?

JULIAN

It might be?

MARISA

RRRRR!

JULIAN

(screams)

Mayhem breaks out in the background.

SEAN

Keep us in chocolate supplies! Donate fast at patreon.com/albasalix!

CARTER

Two dollars a month keeps us alive!

BLAT

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Jerry?

Aw, come on, Jerry. I’m sorry I was a little bit freaked out that you’re Shadowborn.

SEAN (AS JERRY)

(hisses furtively)

What?! It’s not because I’m Shadowborn!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Really? You’re just hiding because I said her name?

SEAN (AS JERRY)

No, I’m hiding because you pissed off the ruler of all of this!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Look. Jerry, do you think it’s really fair that one person should have this much control over your life, and the trees and the glade and everything that’s this… I don’t know what?

I don’t. Which is why I stood up to her. Don’t you feel that maybe you should stand up to her as well?

SEAN (AS JERRY)

Oh God, no! You did what?!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Well—

SEAN (AS JERRY)

(frantic)

I’m dead! I’m gonna be eviscerated! I’m going to be strung from every fae tree! Oh God, why do I talk to people?! Like my Mom said, don’t ever talk to people. Don’t talk to people! Certainly not people that aren’t Shadowborn. Can’t trust them! What have I done? Oh, friggin’ Jerry! My name’s not even Jerry!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Okay, Jerry… You mentioned that this was a fae area?

SEAN (AS JERRY)

Like… duh!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

“Duh.” Like I know!

I have a friend in my party. He’s also one of the fae. Do you think maybe he could be here, and maybe with a couple of my other companions…?

SEAN (AS JERRY)

Oh, so I’m supposed to like, come out now because you know a fae? Everyone! “Oh I know a fae, I’m cool. I’m one of the cool kids. Hey hey hey!” Screw you! I don’t even know—whatever your name was, Bee Hop Bee Bor Blah Grrr… whatever it was!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Jerry… you said you were going to take me to the In-Between. Why can’t you just take me to the In-Between? Even though I did piss off the grand—

SEAN (AS JERRY)

I didn’t say that, did I?

CARTER (AS BLAT)

You did! You said you’d take me.

SEAN (AS JERRY)

No! No I didn’t.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

You did! You said you would take me!

SEAN (AS JERRY)

No I didn’t! No!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

You said you would take me!

SEAN (AS JERRY)

(explodes in frustration)

NGGHHHHH!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Come on, Jerry! Be a pal.

SEAN (AS JERRY)

DOH!

All right. But then it’s not one step further. Not one step further!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Deal. Maybe my friends have wound up in this In-Between as well.

SEAN (AS JERRY)

Between. The Between.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

The Between. I’m sorry. It’s a proper noun.

SEAN (AS JERRY)

Okay.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

We get there… Maybe my friends back in my reality could get me back somehow, because it’s—

SEAN (AS JERRY)

Yeah, that’s great. You can tell me the story on our way. Let’s go.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

All right. Going in Between. In between what, I’m sure I don’t know.

SEAN (AS JERRY)

Okay, well, just walk where I walk.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

And he steps out from a tree in front of you.

SEAN (AS JERRY)

Come on!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

All right, I’ll step where you step.

SEAN

And he starts slowly placing each foot forward.

CARTER

Blat carefully puts each footstep in where he’s stepped.

SEAN (AS JERRY)

No!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

What?

SEAN (AS JERRY)

Walk this way.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Walk…

SEAN (AS JERRY)

Bend your shoulders!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

All right, I’m sorry. It’s hard when you’ve got giant wings! I normally have a shirt to keep them in check.

SEAN (AS JERRY)

And drag one foot.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Drag one foot…? I feel like this is an old comedy bit, but I’m going to go with it. Walk this way! Here we go. I’m a non-corporeal being who doesn’t actually have a face and walks with a limp.

SEAN

And the forest around you begins to shift a little with each step, like it just shimmers a little, and it shimmers more with each step. And all of a sudden, it just rushes at you… and you are in greyness.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

(shouts)

Are we in Between, Jerry?

SEAN (AS JERRY)

(nervously)

Yes. You’re on your own. This is all I promised. This was it!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

I just thought there’d be more to look at than just a colour.

SEAN (AS JERRY)

Oh, there’s a lot to look at. Be careful what you talk to here!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

I’m talking to you, Jerry… Maybe you could tell me who I’m supposed to talk to?

SEAN (AS JERRY)

(breathing heavily, voice shaking)

You shouldn’t talk to me here either.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Okay, Jerry, I’m gonna be honest. You’re a little less than helpful. I thought you were going to me a solid and—

SEAN (AS JERRY)

AAAAAGH!

SEAN

And Jerry launches at you, fangs growing out of this face… and roll Defy Danger.

MARISA

He has 1 hit point.

MIKE

He should have slept with the grizzly bear.

MARISA

(laughs)

CARTER

(rolling)

I had no grizzly bear to sleep with.

MIKE

“With which to sleep.” Please.

CARTER

9 plus my Dexterity is a 10.

SEAN

Tell me what happens.

CARTER

Jerry just keeps on moving past me.

SEAN

Because… can I see your sheet, Blat?

CARTER

Certainly!

SEAN

Blat…

MARISA

(whispers)

Is in Limbo.

SEAN

Is in Limbo.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Ohhhhh.

SEAN

And Blat, suddenly Jerry freezes, half-leaping at you and just starts moving, like in slow motion, and it’s as if you’re in touch with this space, like it’s under your control. As you move your hands, everything moves and he moves back. And then all of a sudden you’re just gone…

And you reappear in a glade beside a sleeping bear.

THE PARTY REUNITED

MARISA (AS DARCY)

(snoring)

CARTER (AS BLAT)

(quietly)

I don’t know how to do this without freaking them out. Oh well.

Hi everyone!

Everyone startles awake.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

Aaaa!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Sound machine! Wha—?

What happened to my pillow? I… had a body pillow.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rrrr?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Oh sorry, that was your leg.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Rrrrr.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

I’ll wipe that off.

SEAN

And you see Darcy slowly starting to transform back, and shrink, vertebrae popping, fur sloughing back under her skin as the amulet around her neck begins to gleam.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Ugh…

MARISA

And I just collapse to the ground.

SEAN

And Darcy, Magnus and Eggerton, you are at, I think, full hit points.

MARISA

Do I recover my spell?

SEAN

Yes. So you would relearn your spell, so you can reselect.

MARISA

Ah!

SEAN

Blat, you are still at 1 hit point.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Okay, sort of a good news / bad news situation… The good news is we found each other!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Yay!

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

Yay.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

The bad news is, we’re in Limbo.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Awww.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

Aww!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Now, bit of good news once again: I think because of my demonic background, I may have some control over Limbo.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Yay!

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

Well, that’s great! So now just, let’s get out of here!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

All right… I’m not quite sure how to do that. Uh…

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

What?!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Well, I’m sorry, I’m new to the Limbo thing. I talked to someone named… the Jolly Jester who was a shadow person and said he was part of the In-Between. But then he attacked me. But that attack didn’t work. Because of my kind of sort of control of Limbo—all right. I have an idea.

Let’s all just gather the circle, hold hands and if I think really hard, maybe we can get back to our world.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Blat, you’re starting to sound a little crazy. And a little bit like Eggerton.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

No! I had a conversation with the Jolly Jester. We were pretty sure that I was probably only a little crazy.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

Yeah, he’s lost it.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay, Blat, you look kind of tired and beat up. Why don’t you have a fairy cake, and we’ll sit, and we’ll have a little talk, and we’ll figure all of this out. Okay? As the leader of the group—

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Oh boy.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

It’s my responsibility to make sure that you’re you’re on the up and up.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

I’m not sure if your fairy cakes are going to work in Limbo.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

Yeah, those things never work!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay. But I think because there’s fairies around we’re probably in like a fae-related place, where the fairy cakes may have more potency.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Blat. Come here. Come over here.

MARISA

And I lay my hand on Blat and I cast Cure Light Wounds.

SEAN

Okay, roll it.

MARISA

And I roll a d8…

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Oh, no, Darcy! I don’t think this is the time for that!

Laughter.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Please, Darcy, not in front of the others!

MARISA (AS DARCY)

(sighs)

Oh, you ruined it.

It’s a 2.

SEAN

Okay, roll 2d6 for your spell.

MARISA

I rolled a 5.

SEAN

You got +Wisdom on it, right?

MARISA

Okay, so I get +2 then. Okay, “On a 7 to 9, the spell is cast but choose one…” So I have to… there’s a few things here. So I do cast it, and then as you say it’s revoked.

SEAN

Or you chose one of those other things.

MARISA

Right. But I think—

SEAN

Then you don’t lose it.

MARISA

“You draw unwelcome attention or put yourself in a spot. The GM will tell you how.”

SEAN

Sure, and then you keep the spell.

MARISA

All right. So I’ll keep the spell then.

SEAN

You’re going to choose that one?

MARISA

Uh… Yes.

SEAN

Okay. So you get 2 hit points back.

CARTER

Huzzah!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay, Blat, I think it’s really nice that she did her bit of trickery there, but come on, have a fairy cake. It’ll give you some pep. It’ll bring your focus in. We’ll be able to move forward.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

All right.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

All right. Here you go. This is a nice special purple swirly. Have that.

CARTER

Blat takes a bite out of it.

SEAN

Roll Fairy Cakes.

CARTER

That’s an 11!

MARISA

Ooo!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Ohhh!

SEAN

Roll what he gets.

MIKE

And he gets… 4 hit points back.

SEAN

4 hit points.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

I feel four times stronger than I did before!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

I told you that the fairy cakes worked.

SEAN (AS A DEEP BOOMING VOICE)

WHO’S DOING MAGIC?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

(softly)

What was that?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

That—that—that was it—no. I…

SEAN

The ground beneath you begins to move.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Oh boy.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay. Did anyone else have a fairy cake?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

No.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

No!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

So the ground’s actually moving.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Yeah.

SEAN

Yup. The ground is lifting up in the air.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

Aww, gee! What the heck?!

SEAN

And you’re all slowly starting to tumble off it as this giant rock starts coming out of the earth.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Whoa, whoa. I think what we’re on is alive.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Everyone off! Everyone off!

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

I’m getting off! I’m getting off!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

I’m going, I’m going!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Solid ground! Get to solid ground.

SEAN

You all slide down to the ground. And these four legs start to pop out of this rock—pow, pow. And this head starts to lift up out of the front of this rock… and it is this gigantic creature with crazy big feet.

SEAN (AS A DEEP BOOMING VOICE)

WHO IS DOING MAGIC IN MY GLADE?

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

He is!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

No, no, that wasn’t—that wasn’t me…

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

This guy here! He’s the guy!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

No, it was her! It was her.

SEAN

And one of the big feet lifts up and starts to come down on Magnus and Eggerton.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Aaa!

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

Aaa…

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Dive roll!

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

Roll away!

Laughter.

SEAN

Okay, you both roll. Defy Danger.

MARISA

It’s a literal roll this time!

MIKE

Heyooo.

MARISA

Hey ho.

MIKE

I got 8. No, 7.

JULIAN

11.

SEAN

Okay, so Magnus, what happens? How do you deftly avoid the whole thing with an 11?

JULIAN

Uh… I execute a perfect backflip completely by accident.

Laughter.

SEAN

And land with a “Tada!”

JULIAN

Yeah!

MARISA (AS DARCY)

That was incredible.

SEAN

Eggerton, however, ends up getting one leg—he half-falls, half-slides out, and one leg is crushed underneath—

MARISA

Ow!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Aaaaaa!

SEAN

—the giant foot coming down for 6 hit points of damage.

BOOOOM.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay. I don’t want to look at it. How bad does it look? I don’t want to look.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

It looks really bad.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Oh, it hurts.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

That is terrible, man! That is—ugh! That is—I’m, I’m really sorry. I’m sorry.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Why are you smiling?

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

I’m not smiling!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

You’re smiling! I can see your teeth.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

(guilty)

Nooo!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Why are you smiling? It hurts so much…

SEAN (AS A DEEP BOOMING VOICE)

NO ONE DOES MAGIC IN MY GLADE.

SEAN

And another foot starts raising up and over towards all of you.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Wait! We’ll stop! We won’t do any more magic!

SEAN

Flying down, pushing down. Slamming down.

MARISA

I dive out of the way.

SEAN

Okay, so Blat and Darcy, you need to Defy Danger.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

(weakly)

Don’t let him fall on your leg.

MARISA

I roll a 7, plus Dex, I guess? So an 8 for me.

Ooo! Nice.

CARTER

9… so that’s a 10 for me.

SEAN

Okay. So Darcy, you stumble back, but get thrown by the impact and hit a tree and take 1 hit point of damage.

MARISA

Ow.

SEAN

And… how does Blat manage to not get caught in this at all?

CARTER

Blat just flaps his wings a little and moves backwards.

SEAN

Like blows himself backwards.

CARTER

So Blat keeps flapping his wings and starts yelling for everyone,

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Gather round Eggerton! He can’t walk! Gather around. We’re going to try to un-Limbo ourselves out of here.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Uh, I don’t know what that means.

SEAN

The giant head is slowly turning towards you all.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Everyone. Just hold hands! Grab Eggerton’s hand!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay…

MARISA (AS DARCY)

All right!

MARISA

I grab Eggerton’s hand.

JULIAN

I grab another of his hands.

Carter begins rolling.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

All right, so here we go. I’m going to think really hard, think about my half-demonic past… see if we can get out of here.

SEAN

The giant mouth is opening, and it’s moving down towards you all.

CARTER

I’ve rolled an 8, which means…!

“On a 7 to 9, you enter Limbo, but with a cost: you end up at a different location or plane, or you are unable to exit Limbo for ten minutes while you recharge.”

Let’s go to a different location or plane!

SEAN

And you all see the head and the mouth opening like so big, coming down, down, down, down. It blots out the sun…

Everyone screams.

SEAN

And then…

You’re all in greyness, holding hands.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

This is… interesting. I thought there’d be, I dunno, some art or…

CARTER (AS BLAT)

This is the In-Between. I know you’re gonna ask me “in between what”. I’m not entirely sure. But this is where I left Jerry.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

Jerry.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Who’s Jerry?

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Jerry the Jolly Jester. He’s a non-corporeal being. He’s Shadowborn.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

(whispers)

Remember, I think he’s a little crazy.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

He’s lost it.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

So can we do something about my leg that’s crushed? ‘Cause it kind of hurts and it’s floppy.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Maybe you should have a fairy cake.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Oh, that’s a good idea. I’ll see if the fairy cake helps.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

I could have given you a healing potion but some greedy-guts drank it earlier!

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Yeah. That’s really terrible.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay, I’m gonna try a fairy cake.

MIKE

(snaps fingers)

11.

SEAN

Roll… roll—roll your Fairy Cakes.

MIKE

Roll, roll, roll your boat… Oh. 2.

MARISA

(laughs)

SEAN

You get 2 hit points back. But your leg now can be walked on, it just hurts.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Oh… it’s okay. It’s a little sore. Hey, Darcy, do you think you could carry me for a bit?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

No! I’m not a bear anymore.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Well. We all are a little bear inside.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

(laughs)

Oh boy.

SEAN

And all of a sudden another being appears in the greyness around you, and you can see that each of you glows a little when you look at each other. And this being glows very brightly, and Eggerton may recognize it as the fairy from the glade.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

(gasps)

There they are again! It’s that fairy.

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

There you are!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

What are you doing here?

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Oh, I was just running away. Who would ever do magic in that glade? That’s crazy!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Well, I—

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

This guy would! This guy was doing magic.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

No, I didn’t—I didn’t do the magic! Darcy did magic.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Yeah. To be fair, it was me. I was doing the magic.

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

(in awe)

Wow. I hope I’m as fearless as you are when I’m your age. How old are you? A hundred? You’re so big.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Yeah.

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Two hundred?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Three hundred, actually.

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Wow… that’s amazing.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

What was that thing in the valley, in the glade?

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

The glade.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

The glade. What was the… the big stone thing that tried to eat us?

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

The glade.

MARISA

(laughs)

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Oh, I see, it was the glade.

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Yeah, the glade.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Um, excuse me. Do you know how we get out of here, back to the world we came from?

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Ohh… Celene’s put a price on all your heads.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

You mean not not just the demon’s?

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Let me check.

Another plink! noise.

SEAN

Poof! She poofs out of existence.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Basically, I’ve learned, if you ask a question they poof out of existence and then don’t come back.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

That’s very frustrating.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

I wonder if there is some kind of list somewhere operated by someone that has all this information.

A lengthy silence.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

There was a joke in there and it didn’t come out.

Laughter.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

All right, look.

I was able to get us out of danger from being eaten by parkland… so maybe if we all just hold hands again, and I think really hard, maybe I could get us back home. So… everyone huddle up again.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay, okay here we go.

Plink!

SEAN

And the fairy reappears.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Oh! Yeah! Hey.

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Ah! There you are. I lost you for a bit. Yeah, it’s all of you.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

How much?

MARISA

(laughs)

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

I’ll check. Hold on.

Plink!

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Wait! Argh…

SEAN

And the fairy disappears.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

I don’t know, Blat. All this popping in and out of existence—I don’t even know what you’re doing. Maybe we should just wait and this fairy can help us more.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

We don’t know that the fairy is going to help us. The fairy is just finding out how much the fairy can get if the fairy brings our heads to Celene or something.

Plink!

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

It’s a lot!

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Oh. Well, that’s… nice to know. But what we’re trying to find out is, is there a way that we can get this bounty taken off of us?

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

I’ll check!

Plink!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

No, it’s fine. I’ll continue standing here in the grey nothingness with you folks instead of trying to get us back to our plane of existence.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Or you know, maybe grey nothingness again.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

Yeah, like… the choice between maybe getting out of here by your power that you don’t really know it works, and possibly getting help from a fairy? I’ll go with the fairy every time.

Plink!

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Okay! Yes!

MARISA (AS DARCY)

There is a way to get the bounty taken off?

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

…wait, what?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

You said yes, that that we could get this bounty taken off our heads?

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Oh, was that the question? I forgot. I was sort of confused. I thought the question was, is there a way out of here?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Well, that’s the question too!

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

I’m gonna go check the other one, hold on!

Plink!

MARISA (AS DARCY)

No! No! Wait—

(growls)

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

So what kind of mail were you delivering?

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

Well. Mostly it’s letters from the Monks to the Sisters and from the Sisters to the Monks, because, uh… we’re all, you know, chaste. So…

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Who’s chasing you?

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

Well, mostly our emotions, like lust? So these letters, well, they’re they’re kind of pornographic, and that’s how they they keep it all under control.

Plink!

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Yes!

MARISA (AS DARCY)

So hey. Could you tell us how we get out of here and how we get the bounty taken off?

SEAN (AS A FAIRY)

I think so. It’s a lot…

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Okay, we’ll…

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Out of here? You could just follow me.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Oh! Okay.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Oh, wait. Did you leave a fairy cake trail?

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Let me check.

Plink!

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Eggerton.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

What?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Don’t ask any more questions.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Like what?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Never mind.

Plink!

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

No, I don’t see any fairy cakes.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Oh, here. Have one of mine.

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

(glee, turning to puzzlement)

Oh! Oh… Wow, I’ve never seen one made like that.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Yeah, this is a homemade recipe.

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

It’s really ugly.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

Do not eat that!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

What are you talking about? It’s a purple swirly! This is classic!

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

Do not eat that. Please do not eat that, please…

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Oh, I feel I want to eat it now…

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

You should eat it.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

(stuffing her face)

Nom nom nom nom!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

You didn’t—

(sighs)

SEAN

Roll Fairy Cakes!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

We have nothing to barter with now!

MIKE

That’s an 11.

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Not bad. Not bad. I’d a little more love, and maybe a little less—that was a very strange sweetener. What was that?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

It was applesauce. There was this one apple that kept talking back and I had to…

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Yeah, you need to cut it with something.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Oh. Oh, yeah.

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

You know, maybe a little vinegar with the applesauce or—you know, just cut it a little?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Ohhh. Yeah, that would be a good idea.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Actually, my friend here has one that tastes exactly as you described! And if you would like to have it…

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

No, it wasn’t that good.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

(groans)

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Oh, may not have been up to your standards, but this is a pretty good fairy cake overall.

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

It tastes like something that’s been sitting around for millennia or something.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Excuse me.

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Yeah.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

I we could just focus a minute.

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Oh, sure.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

You said that we could follow you.

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

I did?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

You did say that.

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Wow.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

But where would you be taking—

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Why would I promise that?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

I’m not sure. But where would you…

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Fae never promise easily.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Where would you take us? It wouldn’t be into the hands of this goddess who’s offered a bounty—

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Oh, right! So I get all the money and all the jewels and all the cool things! Right! Yeah, so just follow me.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Hmmm. I’m a little suspect now.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

I am starting to think that they may not be a good fairy.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Yeah.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

I mean, on top of the delivering us to the—

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Oh, says the fairy fairy who can’t even make a fairy cake.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Ooooo.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Oh, you want to have a fairly fairy-off?

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Ohhh? Yeah?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Yeah? You want to go far away and have a fairly fairy-off?

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Yeah, c’mon, let’s go!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Let’s go.

SEAN (AS A FAIRY)

Fly up here, let’s go!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

…I can’t fly.

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Oh, that’s sad. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make fun of you.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

I’ve never been… Now I feel kind of guilty about—I’ve been eating a lot of fairy cakes.

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Now I feel guilty.

Here. Do you want one of my fairy cakes?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay, I’ll try one of your fairy cakes.

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Here. Here’s a special one.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Thanks.

(he eats)

That’s… that’s interesting.

SEAN

You are at full health.

And you see Eggerton start to lift into the air.

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

(gasps)

There you go! Look!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

It’s very tasty. And—what?

(gasps)

What…?

SEAN

And you fall back to the ground.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Oh!

MARISA (AS DARCY)

You almost flew, Eggerton!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

(breathless)

I almost… How did that happen?

CARTER (AS BLAT)

I always had a theory that you’d be able to fly easily if you just weren’t shoving fairy cakes in your gob every three minutes.

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Now, don’t you make fun of my friend!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Yeah.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Well, now that you’re friends, maybe you’d really like to help us!

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

(thoughtful)

Oh.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Eggerton can be a very good buddy.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Well, I already have a buddy. Darcy’s my buddy. That was already decided before.

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Okay.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

You could be Eggerton’s second buddy…

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Okay!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Well, I kind of like to think of Blat as my second buddy.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

(gritted teeth)

You could be Eggerton’s fourth buddy.

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Okay!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Well, actually, I think that’s Magnus here—

MARISA (AS DARCY)

No, he’s your third.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

No, my third buddy is the mixing bowl back in the kitchen.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

(growls)

Eggerton…

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Okay. So if you just get us out of here, back to where we came from, Eggerton will give you all of his fairy cakes and you’ll be able to go back to and tell Celene that we’re dead and then collect everything that she promised.

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Okay!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Wonderful. Now… you’re not going to just pop out of existence, right? Because we don’t know where you’re going. You have to physically take us to wherever you’re taking us.

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Oh yeah. You just need to step where I step.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Step where you step.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

All right, then!

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Everyone ready?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Yeah, let’s walk this way.

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Gotta get into line.

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

All right.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

All right.

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

What do you mean, “Walk this way”? That’s weird..

Okay, just step here.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Right…

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Then step here.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Yep.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Uh-huh.

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Then you have to—I can fly but you’re going to have to jump to here…

They jump.

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

And one more…

Plink!

SEAN

And you all pop in to a new glade that leads up to an immense palace.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Well, this is better, but this isn’t where we came from.

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

(sadly)

Sorry, I didn’t have a choice.

MARISA

Does that immense palace have any moon things around it?

(laughs)

SEAN

And there is a blue gleaming light coming down from the palace.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

(groans)

JULIAN (AS MAGNUS)

Come on…

CARTER (AS BLAT)

No fairy cakes for you! Not a one! Not a single fairy cake for you.

SEAN (AS THE FAIRY)

Okay…

SEAN

And she pops out of existence.

Plink!

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Eggerton! I never thought fairies were so traitorous!

Celene’s voice suddenly booms out.

SEAN (AS CELENE)

Let’s speak about… traitors.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Oh boy.

CREDITS

Theme music plays.

ANNOUNCER

The End of Time and Other Bothers: an improvised fantasy role‐playing game set in the world of Alba Salix.

Your Game Master is Sean Howard, with Michael Howie as Eggerton, Marisa King as Darcy, Carter Siddall as Blat and special guest Julian Sark as Magnus.

Dialogue editing and transcription by Michael Howie.

Additional material and sound design by Eli McIlveen.

Story consultant: Laura Packer.

Game consultant: Stephen Smith.

Join our Patreon for weekly bonus material, access to our Discord server, and lots more. You’ll find it all at OtherBothers.com.

OUTTAKE

MIKE

Eli’s looking at my microphone.

(whispers)

He’s touching my microphone.

CARTER

Basically, any time a man walks up to you slowly with a clipboard, you’re like, “What am I doing wrong?”

Laughter.

MARISA

It’s never good.

CARTER

“What is happening?!”