11: Journey to the Temple, Part 4

ELI

It’s the End of Time and Other Bothers, Episode 11. This one’s going out to Bridge. You’ll know why.

You’re welcome.

ANNOUNCER

Last time on the End of Time and Other Bothers…

SEAN

Blat, you recognize the Slaad as demon brethren.

SEAN

Glytha charges you.

SEAN

The tree goes up in a big ball of flame. She bites right down on your shoulder.

CARTER

Ohhh!

SEAN

The Slaad all set down the sticks with the chairs on them and bow before the three adventurers.

SEAN

And that’s when one of the Slaad shoves Darcy.

MARISA

(gasps)

SEAN

And Darcy goes stumbling down the stairs…

SEAN

As the altar begins to close above her. And Darcy is left alone at the top of the stairs in the dark.

SEAN

You feel the rumble… and the hiss. The spout dispenses what must be a bubbling acid… as the barista calmly finishes making the latte. The scent of cinnamon floating through the air, scones cooking… and a rather confused half-demon shouting at the corner table.

ANNOUNCER

The End of Time and Other Bothers: an improvised fantasy role playing game set in the world of Alba Salix. Your Game Master is Sean Howard, with players Carter Siddall, Marisa King and Michael Howie.

Episode 11: Journey to the Temple, Part 4.

SEAN

In the darkness under the altar, we hear a scurrying.

SEAN

And then we hear Darcy stub her toe.

SEAN

So you can sort of sense a bit of air movement, but basically just the drip of water, and the stairs appear to go down in front of you and disappearing into absolute darkness. There’s just a tiny bit of light coming in through the cracks.

MARISA

Okay, so I cast my rote spell Light.

SEAN

And you are standing on ornate stairs going down to a door that is open and there is a hallway. So it levels out where the doorway is, and then heads deeper under the tree from there. There’s nowhere but down the stairs. You are completely sealed, above you.

MARISA

Okay so I head down the stairs.

SEAN

Okay.

MARISA

And into the hallway, you say?

SEAN

You approach a door and yeah, there’s a hallway that stretches past the door, and as you enter there I assume the light travels with you.

MARISA

Yes.

SEAN

So as you enter there, you see ahead of you a hallway that goes much farther than your light will reach.

MARISA

Okay.

SEAN

And it’s a pretty wide hallway and there are dead bodies. There’s a couple of dead bodies here, and there is a closed door to your left, not that far ahead, and there’s an open door to your right.

MARISA

Okay, so I bend down and investigate one of these bodies. Can I discern how they’ve been killed or how long they’ve been dead?

SEAN

Okay, so you are going to Discern Realities. I don’t think we’ve done this before. So you’re going to roll 2d6 + Wisdom.

MARISA

It’s an 8.

So basically, how Discern Realities normally would work is, you’d have to ask me from this list of questions, but basically you can ask me one question.

MARISA

Okay.

SEAN

So I’ll tell you what you see. You see a younger woman wearing what appear to have been off-white-coloured robes so sort of like an acolyte or what you might see in a lot of temples. And the hair sort of tied back, so not hanging down loose. And she’s been stabbed through the back, is what it looks like right now.

MARISA

Is there any symbol on her robe?

SEAN

There is. You almost don’t see it in the stains and the blood. But as you go to move her slightly, you catch a very ornate—it’s almost hard to tell at first, but it looks like it might be a number 7.

MARISA

All right. So I continue along the passage, and you say there is a door to my right that’s open?

SEAN

There’s a door on your right that’s open, and there’s a door that’s closed on your left, across from each other.

MARISA

Okay, so I look through. I peer around the open door to see if I can catch a glimpse of anything.

SEAN

Okay. You see, as your light comes around the corner, it fills up—you can’t see all the room. You can see a bit of it. There appear to be two cots that you can see, and two little chests in front of the cots and they’re almost identical. They’ve both been made up.

MARISA

Okay. So I go into the room, and I see if I can open one of the chests.

SEAN

Sure. As you come into the room the light fills it, and you see there are four cots, a couple of which have been torn apart as if someone was searching for something, and the other two are made up.

And yes, you can open the chest. You open the chest and you see what appears to be an extra robe.

MARISA

And these robes are white as well, right?

SEAN

Yes, same—looks like the same colour as the dead body outside.

MARISA

Okay. And there’s nothing else of interest in the room.

SEAN

Not that you see.

MARISA

Okay. I leave the room.

SEAN

You do hear at this point a sound, but you’re not sure where it was coming from. It sounds like in the hall.

MARISA

Okay. So I tentatively peek back out into the hall. Can I see anything?

SEAN

No.

MARISA

Okay. So I step back out into the hall and I proceed—well, you said the door was right across, actually.

SEAN

Yep.

MARISA

So I put my ear to the closed door. And can I hear anything?

SEAN

Yeah, you don’t you don’t hear anything. But you do hear that sound again from down the hall as if something was moving, but it sounds far away. It’s hard to tell, because it’s very echoey.

MARISA

Okay. So I try the doorknob of this closed door.

SEAN

It turns.

MARISA

Oh, so I open the door tentatively and peer in.

SEAN

You see another dead body, this one horribly bloodied, and wearing a similar robe.

This room is a little smaller than the other room and it has one cot and one chest at the foot that looks identical to the other room. But then it has a writing desk, and a couple other chests.

MARISA

So I go to the writing desk and I see if I can see anything on the surface.

SEAN

You do see something on the surface.

MARISA

Oooo. It’s a pen.

SEAN

There would be a pen. Now the ink jar has been spilled over, and you find… this.

MARISA

I’m being passed a very crumpled, aged letter, and it says:

To our Most Revered Mother Speckley,

We grow more worried by the day, as the Blessed Oracle has grown more and more distant. She will not eat nor speak nor even move.

Something stirs in the forests. There is a silence that is not natural. We all feel that we are being watched. The time comes that was foretold. That is all we know. It is the last words the Blessed Oracle spoke.

So many of us have forgotten our vows in these times of peace, lost in the mindless tasks of maintaining a forgotten temple. I will send this letter in the morning with our fastest rider. I pray these are simply the words of a frightened old woman and we will one day soon raise glasses of tea and laugh over this message.

And the signature is barely begun, as if abruptly halted mid-stroke.

(lowers her voice to a whisper)

And of course this letter has not been sent.

Okaaay!

So I hold onto the letter as—are there any drawers or anything in the writing desk?

SEAN

There is a drawer.

MARISA

Okay. So I open that drawer.

SEAN

You find wax and a seal.

MARISA

Okay. And that wax appears to be what was attempted to be used on this letter?

SEAN

This letter wasn’t even sealed.

MARISA

Okay. And you said there were other chests.

SEAN

Yes.

MARISA

So can I check one of those chests?

SEAN

It is locked.

MARISA

Ahhh. And all these extra chests are locked.

SEAN

No, the other chest is open, and it’s basically got linens and cloths and a couple of the same book. It’s like some kind of religious text.

MARISA

So I pull the book out and I open it. Can I understand what’s in it?

SEAN

Yep. It’s it’s written in common language, and it’s like psalms.

MARISA

Okay. And does it have the number 7 on it?

SEAN

It does have the number 7 on the cover.

MARISA

All right. So I put the letter in my satchel.

SEAN

Okay.

And you hear that noise again, a little louder in the hall.

MARISA

Right. So now can I discern—is it like a shuffling…?

SEAN

Yes.

MARISA

Eeee. This letter says “Something stirs in the forests.”

Okay, so I inch along the hallway.

SEAN

So going back into the hall.

MARISA

Yes, back into the hall and towards this sound, because backwards is to the staircase.

SEAN

So that’s when, out of the darkness… you hear a voice.

SEAN

Inside the temple, Blat approaches High Priestess Ithcar.

SEAN

And a Slaad grabs you by the back and start dragging you back towards…

SEAN

Blat reaches forward and places his finger on the altar.

SEAN

—and you are swallowed into the blackness.

MARISA

(laughs)

Oh no.

SEAN

Everything disappears. The world is exploding. And you find yourself rushing forward.

And you are suddenly standing beside Eggerton, beside Darcy. You are all covered in goop. You are slashed but you are alive and you are victorious! And you are standing on a pile of zombie bodies. And one hand starts to reach up and you just slam down with your bazooka and smash it. And you are looking out over a field that is blue. There’s a blue sun, a blue shining across this field where the tide has turned and humanity has won.

SEAN

And then you are zipping backwards, flying through, and you are standing in a dark chapel and you see two broken bodies.

You see Eggerton’s body, lifeless, lying there, blood seeping out. And his hand has reached out towards Darcy who is also lying in a pool of blood, her body ripped apart. And then you turn… and you actually see yourself standing over them. And your other self turns to look at you and you have no eyes. The sockets are empty.

And then you are back suddenly, standing in the chapel, looking at High Priestess Ithcar, who is watching you very closely.

SEAN

All of the Slaad in the room drop down to their knees and lay prone on the ground and start going,

SEAN

One of them sort of looks around at the other Slaad, and then stands up awkwardly and starts coming forward.

SEAN

Glytha sort of looks at you, and looks at the Priestess, and looks at you and just is shaking.

SEAN

She just looks at Ithcar and looks at you and starts trembling more.

SEAN

And the Priestess is sort of chuckling and leans over toward you.

SEAN

Glytha scurries back. She looks much relieved.

SEAN

Cutting over to Eggerton… you are being dragged back to the place you already peed, and all of a sudden a Slaad with you, even though you’re out of earshot, just lets go of you and drops prone to the ground. And you are released.

MIKE

And I wander back from whence I came.

SEAN

Okay. So you wander into the large chamber and you notice all the Slaad are just down, prone on the floor, and they’re listening as Blat and the High Priestess speak quietly at the altar.

MIKE

I am going to try and quietly approach.

SEAN

So… I don’t think you’re in any danger, so yeah, you quietly approach.

MIKE

All right so I’m going to walk up you know in between the rows…

SEAN

They’re all ignoring you.

MIKE

And sort of duck down and go,

SEAN

(laughs)

Kay.

MIKE

And then wait a second, walk a few more rows up and go,

MIKE

And walk a few more steps.

MIKE

And then walk up so I’m in the front row.

SEAN

Okay. So now you can hear what’s going on with Ithcar and Blat.

SEAN

And you swallowed by the blackness.

MARISA

(laughs)

SEAN

You come back into the room, and the High Priestess car has now dropped prone and is shaking, and everyone is shaking… and Eggerton is looking at you with very wide eyes.

SEAN

And we cut to deep down into the darkness.

And Darcy, you hear a voice, and it sounds like one of the Slaad. And you start to just see something in the light, just at the edge of the light approaching you.

CARTER

Okay, flag on the play.

CARTER

If you want to maintain mood, his name can’t be Waffles.

MARISA

(laughing)

Yeah! He can’t be Waffles!

SEAN

(in a Slaad voice)

Sorry, I did not make up the names. I asked Eli for the names. He gave me Waffles.

MARISA

No! You’re going to ruin Darcy’s moment! Now pass me tissues. I spat all over myself.

CARTER

How about Wafla?

SEAN

Waffles.

MIKE

Wafla?

CARTER

Wafla.

SEAN

And starts taking the robe off. Long, red claws, you see gleaming, as Waffles steps into the light.

MARISA

So my light goes out. I let my light go out, and I run back towards the staircase and I run up as far as I can. I’m just pushing against the altar bottom.

SEAN

You hear,

SEAN

And you feel something chasing you through the darkness.

MARISA

(anxious groan)

SEAN

And you hear—the feet are pounding, but you hear this tap as the nails also hit the ground, the claws. So you’re going to roll Defy Danger as you’re running for the end, I assume screaming.

MARISA

Waaah!

(rolling the dice)

And weeping a little bit.

11!

SEAN

Okay, you feel something swipe past you and then hit the doorjamb and bounce back into the hall.

MARISA

Oh, because there’s a door up to the staircase.

SEAN

Yeah. So you come right through the door and up the stairs, scrambling up. You see faint lines of light leaking in. You’re scratching at them and you hear something standing up behind you.

SEAN

And something leaps towards you. Roll Defy Danger.

MARISA

Oh geez. I can’t roll 11 twice in a row…

SEAN

Maybe you can.

MARISA

It’s a 7.

SEAN

Do you have any pluses on Strength or Dex?

MARISA

Dex, I think I have a plus on. I have a +1 on Dex. So it’s an 8.

SEAN

So it’s a partial success.

You just manage to turn, but one of the claws catches you on the side of your shoulder and spins you around further, so you are actually going to fall away, like back down towards the door and scrambling backwards.

MARISA

Okay

SEAN

But you’re going to take 5 hit points of damage as one of the claws scrapes right along your shoulder.

MARISA

Oo, wow.

MARISA

So of course I’m now on the other side of him, so I run back down the hallway.

SEAN

Down the hall. Okay.

He laughs and tears after you… and you can sense that he runs faster than you.

MARISA

Okay.

SEAN

And you’re going to have to roll Defy Danger again as he’s on your heels.

MARISA

That’s a 5.

SEAN

You feel a claw go right through your right shoulder—and if there was a light you’d see it come out and then pull back. And it spins you around, and you drop to your knees. And you sense this very large demon body just right in front of you as he laughs…

SEAN

…and raises a claw to give you the killing blow.

MARISA

Okay, so I feel this terror take over, and with the pain that’s just gone through my shoulder also this rage is starting to rise within me. And my hair starts to stand on end and my eyes start glowing—and this Slaad can see them now in the dark, as they glow through the dark. And my body starts to get bigger and push up against the creature that’s bending down over me. And as I’m pushing up these huge spikes are coming out of my back and I’m just going,

MARISA

And suddenly I’m as big if not slightly bigger than this Slaad. And what is standing in front of him is this huge glowing-eyed werecupine… which is a were-porcupine.

SEAN

He is stumbling backwards, just in shock—you take another 5 hit points, by the way. You were at full coming in here…

MARISA

Just so you know I’m now at 2.

SEAN

I know.

MARISA

So let’s not kill Darcy off.

(laughs)

SEAN

Wait for it…

He literally stumbles back, like—

SEAN

And he’s sort of he doesn’t know what to do. So it is your advantage to do what you will Darcy.

MARISA

Well, I have a few things that happen here when I have my Curse of the Were-Morph.

SEAN

Okay, let’s work through them.

MARISA

Okay, I have the tags Close. I don’t actually know—but I have Armor 2. So now I gain 2 Armor.

SEAN

Okay, so I’ll say the armor worked on that last blow, just so you—that subtracts 2, so you only got 3. So you’re at minus 8. Yeah, so you’re at 4 hit points.

MARISA

Okay, 4 hit points…

SEAN

So Armor 2 is something you have to remember. That means that if you take damage more than 2 that’s not called Piercing, and even there we have to look at it, it means you subtract 2 from incoming damage.

MARISA

Okay. When I take damage, I gain 1 Rage, just so you know, so I guess that would have been a Rage.

SEAN

Okay. That would have been a Rage.

MARISA

+1…

SEAN

Okay, so you start with a Rage of 2 when you become enraged…

MARISA

And when—if—I make a 10+ (ha ha) successful attack, I overwhelm my enemy with a flurry of attacks and they’re going to take some some issues.

SEAN

Right. And I think we’re also going to be changing your attack die, right? d12?

MARISA

d12! Boom!

SEAN

Oh, and on here, there is a Rage meter.

MARISA

Ooo, a Rage meter!

(laughs)

SEAN

So you’re technically at 3.

MARISA

We need the noise for that. Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep!

SEAN

Beep-beep-beep-beep!

MARISA

Rage meter.

SEAN

So what does giant werecupine Darcy do to this cowering Slaad that’s slowly stumbling backwards with glistening claws that are covered in your blood?

MARISA

Well, first of all, your depiction of—Glytha, is it?—in the earlier scene made me very sympathetic to the Slaad. You made me feel very sorry for her, so…

But this is not Darcy. This is werecupine!

SEAN

(laughs)

MARISA

So since I’m coming up with my back to the Slaad, I then stand up straight and as I arc back a little bit, these spikes come shooting out of the back of me, right into the Slaad. And I don’t know where they get him because I’m not looking, but I imagine they get them somewhere soft and gooey.

SEAN

Well, let’s find out. Roll 2d6 to Hack and Slash.

MARISA

7.

SEAN

Okay, so I’d say that’s a partial success. So what’s going to happen is—it’s sort of your first time in a while in this form? You don’t judge the size of the hallway and you sort of come off-kilter a little…

MARISA

Sure.

SEAN

And fall backward.

MARISA

Like a turtle.

SEAN

Like a turtle, you’re gonna fall back on your back—but you’re going to do damage. So that is a d12 that you’re going to roll.

MARISA

It’s a 10! It’s a 10!

Thok-thok-thok-thok!

SEAN

You hear a horrible crunching sound…

MARISA

Awwww…

SEAN

And as you land on your back… two giant porcupine quills stuck in his chest, you see a light start to fill the hall, this red light. And you see as the Slaad is just consumed by this fire that’s roaring up from his feet, all the way up. And he looks a little surprised, and then he looks at you and goes,

MARISA

(laughs ruefully)

Awww!

SEAN

And waves, and foof! He’s gone in a flash of smoke.

ANNOUNCER

It’s the beginning of the middle of The End of Time and Other Bothers.

SEAN

Hey everyone. Sean here.

I am super excited to tell you about one of my new favorite podcasts ever, and it is 20-Sided Stories. It is an improvised roleplaying podcast where there’s a rotating cast of comedians, artists, performers, nerds and what-have-you. They’re playing a tabletop RPG, but this is a little different. This is a show after our own hearts here at The End Of Time. They are combining improv, great stories and roleplaying zaniness, and characters, with music and sound design to create a must-hear podcast—and they just started a Pokémon series. Come on people—Pokémon roleplay live play. We are so in for this.

Find out more at 20sidedstories.com.

SEAN

We cut back to the temple.

Blat is staring at a sea of quaking Slaad, and the Priestess, and Eggerton looking at him as if you just stole his fairy pouch again.

SEAN

And right then you hear a pounding on the stones…

SEAN

The Priestess looks up, but is staying prone and says,

MIKE

So I lean forward and put my shoulder up against it, and start scrabbling my feet, trying to push.

SEAN

Yeah, you guys are both scrabbling your feet on the smooth wooden floor.

SEAN

She just starts shaking.

MIKE

And I slap Blat across the face.

SEAN

You guys hear a roar…

SEAN

…from down underneath you, muffled.

MARISA

(gasps)

MIKE

And I look around.

MARISA

(laughs)

SEAN

The Slaad are all talking:

SEAN

One of the Slaad stands up and search removing their robes. The giant arms hanging down, and the claws…

SEAN

And that is when, Darcy, you feel the tree move. There is a roar of lightning coming down from the heavens that strikes the tree and sends everybody flying back from the dais, including Eggerton and Blat.

SEAN

Lightning races down over all the wood and strikes in at Blat and almost—you can see the bazooka half-forming and then half-unforming and the lightning is dancing around the room. And then there is an explosion that sends everyone flying hundreds of feet towards the wall of the heart chamber. And you hear a horrific sound as one of the giant limbs tears off the tree, and then hits the ground, sending a shockwave back towards the room you’re in.

And then it’s all quiet.

And the Priestess stands up and brushes herself off.

SEAN

(laughing)

They all look up, hopeful.

SEAN

Nothing’s happening, but you see a Slaad starting to move towards you slowly, stalking like a cat.

SEAN

And the Slaad launches herself at you.

SEAN

Roll Defy Danger, Eggerton.

MARISA

(laughing)

Oh gosh.

MARISA

Wow.

SEAN

So you scramble backwards, and manage to not get devoured by this demon. But you do slam your head back, tripping over, so you hit the hard floor for 1 hit point of damage.

And the Slaad is turned, and is hissing—Chthhhh!—and is still advancing on you. What do you do?

The other Slaad are backing away, trying to get out of the way, forming a circle like a fight at high school.

SEAN

And the Slaad is going to attack you! What are you doing?

MIKE

Uh, I’m going to run and duck under him as he jumps.

SEAN

Okay! Roll Defy Danger.

MIKE

It’s a 9!

SEAN

Okay, so you run at the Slaad, who looks a little confused, and swipes at you and catches you on the side as you slide under and through. But then the Slaad is looking through her legs and sort of half falls over. So you take you take… ooo, 4 hit points of damage.

MARISA

Oooo.

SEAN

And we cut back to underneath, in the darkness, the werecupine. And you just felt the entire tree shake and be ripped half apart, and dust is falling down.

But you don’t hear any other—well, you hear the sounds of some kind of something going on upstairs.

MARISA

I’m still on my back, so I’m rocking back and forth to try and get up.

SEAN

I say you manage to get up.

MARISA

All right.

SEAN

With a roar. Give me a roar.

MARISA

(laughing)

Well, remember, everyone, porcupines don’t really roar. So that’s why I sound like an old dishwasher.

SEAN

Wait, what does a porcupine sound like?

MARISA

(a strange, gutteral chittering)

SEAN

Okay. So you’re back up…

MIKE

(laughing)

You looked so red in the face when you did that.

MARISA

Okay, so I’m up!

SEAN

And you suddenly notice smells…

SEAN

Like, it happens when you’ve done this in the past. Right? It’s this beautiful ability to smell in a way that you’re not able to smell as a human. And you don’t smell any other demons near you.

MARISA

But I smell a lot of death because of all the dead bodies around!

SEAN

Yes. You do smell a lot of rotting flesh.

MARISA

Yes. So I run to the end of the hallway, away from the stairs. Do I come to anything of interest?

SEAN

Yes. You enter a large chamber, not quite as large as the upstairs chapel, but there is a beam of light coming down and hitting basically a round, wooden, perfectly smooth, glistening like marble, circular dais in the centre.

MARISA

So I approach the dais and I… is there anything for me to touch or a button or…?

SEAN

It just looks like a smooth glass dais.

MARISA

Um… Is there anything else in the room?

SEAN

There is a… as you look around, there is one door, far in the far wall, and that’s it.

MARISA

Okay, so I run to the door in the far wall, and I throw my weight against it to try and open it.

SEAN

Okay. It takes a couple hits and then it just bursts in, wood flying everywhere.

MARISA

Okay. And what’s in the room?

SEAN

Stairs going up.

MARISA

(gasps)

Stairs!

So I scramble up the stairs as quickly as I can.

SEAN

Okay, you come to the top and there’s a door. And you now… the commotion, you hear shouting and “I don’t want to die!” and hissing and you hear Blat screaming, “I don’t want to be Morrigu’s prophet!”

And there’s a door in front of you.

MARISA

Okay, so I again throw my weight at the door and burst through.

SEAN

Okay, after a couple times times it explodes outwards. A couple Slaad are laying prostrate on the ground, and they glance at you, but then go back to

SEAN

And then there’s a hall you’re in, there’s a door straight across from you, and that’s where you can hear the sounds of battle.

MARISA

Okay. So I keep scrambling towards that door, towards the battle sounds.

SEAN

The giant werecupine… as you go to touch the door…

MARISA

Yes.

SEAN

Blackness overtakes you.

MARISA

Ah, great.

SEAN

And you know—you’ve done this a couple of times now, and this time it’s a little different. You’re suddenly present. You know what’s happening and you’re suddenly forward into the darkness and there is a form there, somewhat humanoid… and it’s just looking at you with what might be eyes? It’s all just sort of murky. It’s black, in the blackness but you can sense there’s some type of sentience there.

MARISA

And so this is just a vision I’m having?

SEAN

You can’t tell if it’s real or it’s a vision or if you’ve been teleported.

MARISA

Okay. So can I approach the figure?

SEAN

Sure. You’re just, you’re not sure! You’re just in blackness and you see this figure not that far away. Do you want to try?

MARISA

Sure. And what form am I in? Am I still a werecupine?

SEAN

Yep.

MARISA

Okay. So I approach this figure.

SEAN

You’re not able to move, but then all of a sudden, as you think of it, you start suddenly getting closer as you think of it. So now you’re like, a few feet away.

MARISA

Okay. So I look up—you said the figure is humanoid.

SEAN

Yes.

MARISA

Actually, I’m pretty big, so I might be eye to eye, anyway.

SEAN

Yeah.

MARISA

And I go,

SEAN

What is Darcy’s deepest desire?

MARISA

Hmm.

To not transform into a werecupine.

(chuckles)

SEAN

So the Shattering speaks in your mind—the voice you’ve heard before says,

MARISA

And I think in my head:

MIKE

(laughs)

MARISA

And I consider it…

MARISA

And I, in my mind, say,

SEAN

And you’re standing in the hall right in front of the door. But you get a sense of disgust from the thing.

MARISA

Like I’ve been rejected.

SEAN

Yep.

MARISA

Okay. So then I batter through the door.

SEAN

(laughs)

Okay. So, back into the hall.

Eggerton, you’re now scrambling madly way with a big gash on you. And Blat, what are you doing?

SEAN

And the Slaad launches at at Eggerton.—roll Defy Danger, Eggerton.

MIKE

3.

SEAN

And skewers Eggerton right on one claw, and lifts him up to the sky.

SEAN

Eggerton you’re going to take 4… oh no, sorry, it’s the wrong die.

MARISA

400 damage.

SEAN

Now do you have armour, Eggerton?

MIKE

No.

MARISA

Ha! No.

He has arms?

SEAN

Okay, so 4 damage, 2+2, 4 damage.

MIKE

I have 1 hit point.

MARISA

(gasps)

SEAN

So the Slaad is lifting this little body up to the sky—and that is when the door explodes inward. And what do they see come bursting into the hall?

MARISA

They see this larger-than-Slaad, humanoid, but more porcupine, so there’s sticky-uppy spines on the head, and the back is full of these spines which are fully erect, and a long tail sweeping back and forth with the same kind of spines. Just running, loping down the aisle between the pews.

SEAN

With gleaming eyes.

MARISA

Making dishwasher noises.

(hisses and gurgles)

MARISA

So I run right for the Slaad that’s got Eggerton.

SEAN

Yup. Roll.

MARISA

What am I rolling?

SEAN

Roll Hack and Slash.

MARISA

(rolling, laughs)

Well, Sean, what if I don’t roll well?

SEAN

Well, this may be the end of Eggerton!

MARISA

Yeah, see? It’s a 6.

I can do a special feat?

SEAN

Yes. So you could use one Rage to perform an impossible feat of strength.

MARISA

So could I use it to roll myself up in a ball and take out the Slaad?

SEAN

Sure.

MARISA

Okay. We’re going to say that to save your life.

SEAN

Okay, so you’re going to take a Rage point…

MARISA

Yup.

SEAN

You’re going to spend a Rage. So she’s going to spend a Rage…

MARISA

And so as I’m running, I just curl myself up into a ball and head right for the Slaad.

SEAN

So basically it’s like werecupine bowling. And it just sends the Slaad and you and everyone flying in every direction and takes out a bunch of Slaad. And the priestess stands up and is like,

SEAN

And she is going to turn on…

MARISA

Darcy?

SEAN

Darcy the werecupine.

MARISA

Who only has 4 hit points.

MIKE

I have 1 hit point.

SEAN

So you see her hold her hands in front of herself and then this energy starts to form and then she just slams it forward. This bolt just flies right past you as you roll through, sending Slaad flying, and it hits a bunch of Slaad in the distance that all immediately just look up, confused, as their bodies all roll up in flame. And they all wave “Bye-bye!” and they just, poof! disappear.

MARISA

(laughing)

It’s so sad.

Okay.

SEAN

So the Slaad that dropped Eggerton is getting up and is looking around:

MIKE

I’m gonna pop a fairy cake.

MARISA

That’s a very good idea.

SEAN

Okay. Roll Fairy Cake.

MIKE

That is an 8… +1! 9.

MARISA

Nice.

SEAN

(laughs)

I will let you pick which affliction you are afflicted with. And roll what you get back.

MIKE

I’m going to be drunk.

SEAN

Okay.

MIKE

And I’m not a nice drunk.

SEAN

Okay. So you are afflicted with angry-drunk.

MIKE

I got 8! 8 points.

SEAN

You get 8 hit points back. Okay.

And the priestess is charging forward. Blat, you see her charging towards the werecupine.

So you sense the bolt just miss you.

MARISA

Yup.

SEAN

And then you see her running towards you in her plate armour, Darcy.

Any of you can act at any time.

And the Slaad is moving in on Eggerton. She found him.

MARISA

Okay. So again, Darcy flings herself upright, and again does the the spike throw.

SEAN

Okay! On who?

MARISA

On the priestess.

MIKE

High Priestess Ithcar.

SEAN

Okay! Roll it! This is Volley, you get your Dex bonus.

MARISA

Right.

I’m a terrible roller. 6.

SEAN

Okay so the priestess literally… there’s just a look of shock on her face as she slides on her back, and so slides right under as these two darts fly through the air. And Blat, you see them slam on the wall just past you, these giant, almost metallic-looking darts, as the priestess then rolls forward and she actually slams into you so hard that one of your spines goes right into her chest…

MARISA

Excellent.

SEAN

But she touches you, and you feel this horrible life force draining. You can see the blackness seeping into her, out of you, your soul.

And that’s 4 hit points.

MARISA

I’m dead.

Oh wait! I had Armor.

SEAN

What? Oh yeah. You would have taken 2 less.

MARISA

So I’m not dead though.

SEAN

Well, you just hit the ground. Don’t worry, you’re still alive.

MARISA

Okay.

SEAN

But you think she’s dead.

Okay. And Darcy’s body hits the ground, and transforms back into the lifeless form, and is in the exact place that you saw that body, Blat.

MIKE

Snap.

SEAN

Okay. You feel this force, Blat, fighting at your brain, trying to take over. Roll.

SEAN

Partial success. What’s your Wisdom? Do you have Wisdom?

CARTER

7. No. Just 7.

MARISA

(laughs)

There’s no wisdom there.

SEAN

Okay.

Lightning flies out from Blat in every direction, striking seven or eight or ten Slaad that all just go “Bye-bye!” as they disappear in puffs of smoke.

And the bazooka appears. But it is so—the lightning is just hitting it and shocking you, so you’re going to take some damage. But the bazooka does appear. You take 2 hit points of damage, Blat.

And at the end of it the screen appears in front of your face. But it’s like zipping out—zipping in—zipping—MALFUNCTION. And then it goes green.

SEAN

OPERATIONAL.

MARISA

Ha ha.

SEAN

The priestess turns to look at you and her eyes get wide.

CARTER

Pull the trigger.

SEAN

Roll Volley.

CARTER

8. +Dex would be a 9.

SEAN

Okay. That’s a partial success.

So the priestess, at the same time fires her Corruption Blast at you when she realizes we’re going to do. But then…

So roll your damage. As your missile fires off, steam coming out of it, as it comes in short range to take her…

CARTER

8.

MARISA

8! Nice.

SEAN

And there is this fiery explosion. You just see all these waving hands—“Bye-bye!” “Bye-bye!” “Bye-bye!” And you see her scream as she’s thrown backwards, part of her armour melting into her skin, for 8 damage. She looks hurt.

MARISA

Oh, she only looks hurt.

MIKE

Her makeup’s still in place.

MARISA

Yes.

SEAN

But as the fire and smoke all clears, you see her on one knee, slowly standing up.

SEAN

And the Slaad is going after you, Eggerton. The Slaad has now found you, and what are you doing?

MIKE

I saw Darcy fall down.

SEAN

Yup?

MIKE

And that, as an angry drunk, made me angry.

MARISA

(laughs)

SEAN

It looks like she’s lifeless. Her body just hit the ground.

MIKE

And I remember something the mixing bowl said, in a bit of a haze. And it was:

SEAN

Yes.

MARISA

Oooo.

MIKE

And I howl with anger.

SEAN

Yup.

MIKE

And roar like a giant bear.

SEAN

Okay.

MIKE

And charge at the Slaad.

SEAN

So you see Eggerton suddenly—give us what Eggerton’s bear roar would sound like?

MIKE

Rarrrarrarar!

SEAN

And he just suddenly… charges the Slaad. And if you are looking closely, you might notice that his teeth have gotten a little, like, sharper.

And roll to Hack and Slash as this tiny little fairy impacts with the Slaad.

SEAN

+Strength?

MIKE

That’s minus 1 for a…

MARISA

(laughing)

Oh no.

MIKE

6.

SEAN

…and so basically bounces off the Slaad, and goes skimming across the other direction, sliding past a couple other Slaad that sort of try to step out of the way. And the Slaad leaps after you, chasing.

The priestess is now slowly approaching you.

SEAN

And she runs at you with her hand outstretched, trying to touch you with her hand.

SEAN

Roll Defy Danger.

MARISA

Ooo. That’s a good one.

CARTER

That’s an 11.

SEAN

What happens?

CARTER

Well, it’s the old middle school trick. She flies at me; I step aside and stick my foot out.

SEAN

And she goes headfirst into the altar, and you hear this horrible clang! of the metal hitting.

She takes 3 hit points, and blood is trickling down her armour plate as she slowly stumbles back to her feet.

And Darcy. You’re starting to come back. You realize that… the room is blurry, and there’s Slaad running around, and you see Eggerton dash past you, roaring, and bounce off of a Slaad. And the High Priestess is turning, now that she’s closer to Blat, and is about to reach out to touch him.

MARISA

And you’ve… I am back in human form?

SEAN

Yes.

MARISA

Yes. Okay. So I stagger up, or I crawl over—I’m obviously very disoriented. And I just touch Blat’s ankle.

SEAN

Yup.

MARISA

And I cast Cure Light Wounds.

SEAN

Roll it!

MIKE

(to the tune of “Rawhide”)

Git that light wounds rollin’. Rollin’, rollin’, rollin’… Rawhide!

MARISA

(laughs)

It’s a 7.

SEAN

Okay. So when you cast a spell, the only thing on Cast A Spell is whether you keep it or not.

MARISA

(reading)

Yeah, here we go. And I don’t, I believe.

SEAN

In this case, yeah. You have a choice: you can draw unwelcome attention…

MARISA

Okay.

SEAN

You can take a ‑1 ongoing to Cast Spells, or you can lose this spell. It’s your choice.

MARISA

But I can relearn it once I commune with my goddess?

SEAN

Yes.

MARISA

Yeah, I’ll lose it for now.

SEAN

Okay, so you’re losing the spell. So did you roll what he gets?

MARISA

And then I “Heal an ally you touch of 1d8 damage.”

(rolls)

1. Sorry!

SEAN

So you get 1 hit point back, Blat.

MARISA

You have 6!

SEAN

And she lunges forward to try and touch you, just to slap you with her hand. But you see her hand is glowing the strange dark black as she tries to just slam her hand into you. Roll Defy Danger.

MARISA

Pretty good.

CARTER

9.

SEAN

Okay, so that’s a partial success. So you dodge her hand… but you stumble backwards and you fall off the the raised where you’re near—

SEAN

And you’re now on your back, so you’re at Disadvantage. And you see her just turning her attention to Darcy who is half dead, her feet just laying there.

And you now have a Slaad that’s coming for you. What are you doing?

MIKE

I’m going to challenge the Slaad as a grizzly would!

SEAN

Okay, which is?

MIKE

Well, a grizzly would stand up and roar, and then run forward and grapple with claws and teeth. So I’m going to run forward with really short fingernails.

SEAN

Yup. That you bite.

MIKE

Yeah, because, you know, nerves.

And try and jump on the Slaad as it runs at me.

SEAN

Love it. Roll it!

MIKE

That is a 5.

MARISA

We’re all going to die.

SEAN

So tell me what happens. Play this out for me?

MIKE

I jump onto the Slaad, and it doesn’t see me at first, because I’m kind of little. And it kind of turns around, and when it turns really quickly I go flying off again.

SEAN

Inside the temple, we see the Slaad sort of wandering around in disarray.

SEAN

And we come in closer, and we see Eggerton limping up with a giant gash to stand beside Blat as they stare down at the slightly-charred, dead body of Darcy.

SEAN

Eggerton is stumbling up, with a giant gash, to stand beside Darcy. And both of them are looking down at Blat, who is laying on his back, mumbling.

SEAN

And he leaves.

SEAN

Beep-beep-beep-beep!

SEAN AND MARISA

Scene.

ANNOUNCER

The End of Time and Other Bothers: an improvised fantasy role-playing game set in the world of Alba Salix.

Your Game Master is Sean Howard, with Carter Siddall as Blat, Michael Howie as Eggerton and Marisa King as Darcy.

Dialogue editing and transcription by Michael Howie.

Additional material and sound design by Eli McIlveen.

Story consultant: Laura Packer.

Game consultant: Stephen Smith.

Join us on Patreon for weekly bonus content, access to our Discord server, and lots more. Find out how at OtherBothers.com.

MARISA

Ah, lord…

CARTER

“You shall battle me! The Great Waffles!”

SEAN

There’s tea everywhere.

ELI

That was autocorrect.

MARISA

Oh God.

ELI

And I was like, “Well, it kind of fits. As long as he doesn’t choose it for like, a major character.”

MARISA

Yeah, way to go, Sean!

MIKE

Yeah, with a really heavy, dark plot point.

SEAN

(laughing)

I’ve been waiting for this moment.