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28: Old Friends, Old Enemies

The party meet some frightening and familiar adversaries on their journey back to Paradox. Where will their quest lead them next? And what has become of the Academy?

And check out DM To GM, a brand new podcast where GM Sean and DM Russ More (Dumbgeons and Dragons) answer your questions and get you on the way to running your favourite RPG!

The Peeps This Week:

Content Warning: Screaming, gunfire, bodily harm, unwanted intimacy, violent mobs and hyperventilating.

ANNOUNCER

Previously on The End of Time and Other Bothers:

SEAN

Rising out of the forest is Temple Idries.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Lazbo! How are you?

SEAN (AS LAZBO)

I’m sorry, I don’t believe we have met. My name is Sister Lazbo, at your service.

SEAN (AS JACKLYN)

Darcy?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Jacklyn?!

SEAN (AS JACKLYN)

I was in the forest with Mother Speckley. I turned around and she and all the Slaad were gone.

SEAN

Jacklyn pulls out a piece of parchment. It’s basically a letter from what appears to be a Mother Helen: “All signs suggest that the Beast’s base of operation currently resides in Paradox.”

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

I was there recently. Some of of the people are just a little bit grouchy.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Because the Academy of the Fallen got blewed up?

SEAN

The sky has grown inky black, and ahead of them is an old rickety building.

You see a table, fully set with a meal and a gentleman is sitting at the very end of it.

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

I am Derek von Frompton. I have been sent explicitly to grant Darcy assistance for her assistance.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

I didn’t mean to assist the Shattering—wait!

SEAN (AS JACKLYN)

AAAAARGH!

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Jacklyn! Jacklyn, just stop!

SEAN (AS JACKLYN)

I was in the blackness again!

MARISA (AS DARCY)

The only way you’re going to see Jill again is to stick with us.

SEAN (AS JACKLYN)

All right.

THE HOTEL

An alarm clock beeps incessantly.

SEAN

We open on Eggerton, who is in a bed with modern sheets and a luxurious pillow. And he is tossing and turning. The room around him is filled with modern gadgets, things he hasn’t seen since he left Steadfast.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

(waking from a nightmare)

No! Wh-what’s-what’s the beeping? Beebeep, beebeep? Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait… where’s Darcy? Where’s Blat?!

SEAN (AS THE PILLOW)

Darcy is next door.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Wh-wh-who are you?

SEAN (AS THE PILLOW)

I’m… your pillow.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Oh, okay, that checks out. Okay, but wh-where am I? Why is there beeping? I don’t understand the beep beep, beep beep.

SEAN (AS THE PILLOW)

That was Mr. Alarm.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Wh-what… Mr. Alarm?

CARTER (AS THE ALARM CLOCK)

(cartoonish Southern voice)

Highdiddley ho! It’s time to get up!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay. Mr. Alarm?

CARTER (AS THE ALARM CLOCK)

Yeeeeeessss?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Why? Why? Why did you beep that way though? That was a weird beep.

CARTER (AS THE ALARM CLOCK)

It’s time to get up and I’m set for 8 A.M.!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

It’s 8…? I don’t remember going to bed. Last thing I remember was… was a fairy cake and a man with a hat…

SEAN (AS THE PILLOW)

Oh, there’s some of that fairy cake left here on me.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Oh, okay, here let me just…

(licks up crumbs)

Ahhh… leftover fairy cake.

SEAN

Roll for fairy cakes. Roll for leftover fairy cake.

MIKE

That’s an 11!

SEAN

You feel great.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Wow, Pillow! Thanks for pointing out that little bit of fairy cake that was left.

SEAN (AS THE PILLOW)

Yeah, I got you bro.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Alright. Okay, so you stay here. I’m gonna go find my friends.

SEAN (AS THE PILLOW)

Can you fluff me up first?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Can I fluff you… well, you know, we just met…

SEAN (AS THE PILLOW)

Just a little?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Just a…

(sighs)

Fine, here you go… there’s a little—

SEAN (AS THE PILLOW)

(orgasmic noises)

Ohhhh!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay, okay, now I’m getting uncomfortable.

SEAN (AS THE PILLOW)

Thank you. That was good.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay, well, you, you and Mr. Alarm Clock here… what if I put Mr. Alarm Clock on you?

The alarm clock starts beeping again.

CARTER (AS THE ALARM CLOCK)

It’s now 8:01!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

There you go. And I’ll just set it to the buzz setting and you two have fun. I’m gonna go look for my friends.

SEAN

Eggerton exits to the hall and there are a row of doors. There’s about five rooms off the hall and at the end is a set of stairs that go downstairs that he, in his fuddled state from last night, believes leads down to the main room and where they were eating.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay, well, there’s five rooms and there was three friends. So odds are if I open this first door, I’ll see a friend.

MIKE

And I open the door.

SEAN

And you see Darcy, who is not asleep.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Darcy!

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Eggerton. I‑I don’t remember this. When did we go to bed here?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

I don’t know. But Mr. Alarm Clock woke me up and now he’s hanging out with Mr. Pillow.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Okay.

CARTER (AS THE ALARM CLOCK)

(muffled)

It’s now 8:02!

MARISA (AS DARCY)

You had a roommate?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Well, no, it was… it was the alarm… anyway, where’s Blat? Do you know what’s going on?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

No. I don’t even remember coming to this bedroom.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

I’m pretty sure we’re just upstairs. Right? I mean we must’ve just fallen asleep at the table from last night.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

I guess so. I guess we should figure out where Jacklyn and Blat are.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay, okay, I’m gonna… let’s… let’s stick together.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Yeah, that’s a good idea.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay, let’s just go to the room directly across the hall.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Alright.

MIKE

And we open the door.

SEAN

You see an unspeakable horror with teeth and a mouth… it’s all mouth and tiny little feet and it starts to squorm over towards the door making strange guttural sounds.

SEAN (AS THE MONSTER)

(guttural, slavering sounds)

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Not Blat! Not Blat! Not Blat! Close the door.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay, okay, Jacklyn, calm down.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

It’s not Jacklyn.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Are you sure?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Close the door!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Aaaagh! Aaaaghh! It’s getting closer! Aaaah! Okay, so not that room. Statistically though, it increases the probability that we’re gonna find who we’re looking for.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Yeah, I guess you’re right. But-but why is that thing in that room?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Well, I guess it fell asleep in there. And it woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Clearly evidenced by it trying to eat us.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Okay, next door, next door.

SEAN

You see Blat.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Hey Blat!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Aaargggh!

(sighs)

Knocking. Why can’t you simply knock?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Because if you were the flesh eating monster next door it would’ve given you enough time to get to us as we open the door.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

He’s actually making sense right now.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

There’s a flesh eating monster next door?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Well, it’s a monster and it looked like it wanted to eat our flesh so I’m going to presume it was a flesh eating monster.

SEAN (AS FLESH EATING MONSTER)

(muffled)

Hello? Friends?

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Uh… hello? Flesh eating monster?

SEAN (AS FLESH EATING MONSTER)

(muffled)

Ha, ha… that’s me!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Wait… you’re confirming that you’re a flesh eating monster?

Silence.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Okay, so we won’t be opening that door. In fact, here… help me with this bed. We’re just gonna put it up against that door.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay, out of your room and around the corner…

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Okay, okay, like… pivot… alright… around… alright and then…

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay, push.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Gaaaahhhh!

Okay.

SEAN (AS FLESH EATING MONSTER)

(muffled)

I’m so misunderstood.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Well, you eat flesh… but thank you for your honesty!

Theme music plays.

ANNOUNCER

The End of Time and Other Bothers: an improvised fantasy role-playing game set in the world of Alba Salix. Your Game Master is Sean Howard, with players Carter Siddall, Michael Howie and Marisa King.

Episode 28: Old Friends, Old Enemies.

DEREK VON EVIL

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Alright, so you’re here and you’re here and I’m here. Where’s Jacklyn?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

I don’t know.

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

I’m also here!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Oh, okay, so, um, Mr. Hat? Why do you have such a tall hat?

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

My name is Derek. Not Mr. Hat. Though I do believe I was referred to as Mr. Evil.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

I think you were referred to as Derek Von Evil.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

If the name fits… Now listen, I don’t even remember going up to that bedroom. We were leaving, as I recall. How did we get up here?

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

Well, you had a lovely evening as requested and it was important you get your rest. So we… I just took care of that for you.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Where’s Jacklyn?

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

I believe in the last room.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Well, then that’s where we’re going!

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

Very well!

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Excuse me!

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

Well, don’t let me get in your way!

MARISA

And I march over to the door at the end of the hall and knock on it.

SEAN (AS JACKLYN)

(muffled)

Yep?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Jacklyn! It’s Darcy.

SEAN (AS JACKLYN)

Oh. Why am I in this room?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

I can’t answer that question but you should come out now.

SEAN (AS JACKLYN)

Okay. Let me get my bucket.

The door opens.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Okay, good. Did you sleep well?

SEAN (AS JACKLYN)

I don’t remember sleeping. Do you?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

No, I‑I don’t either.

SEAN (AS JACKLYN)

This is really weird. I don’t want to be in this house.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

I think… I think it’s time to go. It’s time to go everyone. Let’s go.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Alright. Just a moment. I have a couple of questions. First… Derek, is there actually a flesh eating monster in that room?

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

Yes it is. Is that a problem?

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Is that a hotel amenity? What is the purpose of a flesh eating monster doing in this area? I—

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

You know, we run a respectable hotel. We don’t like to share information about our guests.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Okay, fair enough. Umm… more pertinent. You’re a… human-shaped being. Why do you work for the Shattering?

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

Hah. Well, why don’t we discuss that over breakfast? Shall we? Come this way. Down the stairs I’ve prepared your breakfast for your day’s journey.

(humming)

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Ohhh… thank you.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Well, that seems to intimate that we will be allowed to leave.

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

Why wouldn’t you be allowed to leave? We are merely returning the favour of Darcy here.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

I don’t wanna talk about this anymore.

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

Fine.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Let’s just eat and get out of here.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

So what happened, um, after the Shattering entered into the Academy and we ran away?

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

Oh, well, let’s just say… we took care of business. We’re very grateful for your assistance.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Could we maybe not call it “assistance” and instead call it an “accident”?

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

We can call it anything you want. You just need to write in that clause you’ll see at each table setting, along with the juice and the appropriately prepared meal for you. But let us know if there’s any changes. You’ll see a small contract. It’s only about 300 pages. And my employer would very much love it if you would review it and make any notations needed before signing.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Oh, do you have a pen?

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

Yes! Here you go.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

We’re not signing any contracts, Eggerton!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

What? But they gave us breakfast.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Yeah. Do you know what it means when you sign a contract with Evil?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

No.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Usually you lose your soul or something equally valuable to you.

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

I wouldn’t use the word “evil”, Darcy. These are forces bigger and greater than good and evil. They have existed since the beginning of time. It’s like… it’s like referring to gravity as hopeful. Tee hee hee hee!

MARISA (AS DARCY)

What’s the bottom line, Von Evil? What does this contract want from us?

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

Your employment.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Our… our employment?!!

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

To finish what you started.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

We didn’t start anything!

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

Well, that’s true, but you did help almost end the war. Just…

MARISA (AS DARCY)

That’s it! Everybody… put… no… put down that bagel. Put it down. Put it down!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Wh-what. It’s just the way I like it!

MARISA (AS DARCY)

We’re not eating any of this food. We’re leaving right now.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

(with food in his mouth)

You don’t want me to eat the food?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Spit it out, Eggerton.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

(protesting through a mouthful of bagel)

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Spit it out.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

(still speaking through food)

It’s spicy. I haven’t had spice for so long.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Just spit it out on the plate.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

(spits out food)

CARTER (AS BLAT)

These are nice plates.

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

Ahhhh, they’re the… second edition.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

No, no, we’re not… no, we’re not talking about plates anymore. We’re leaving. We are going… get your stuff. Jacklyn, get your bucket.

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

There’s nothing wrong with the food. Feel free to take it as you go.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Come on. Everyone out.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Oh, oh… before we go, do you happen to have a spare pouch? Just like a belt pouch?

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

Of course. Yes. It’s in the kitchen. Help yourself.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Ooooh, thank you.

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

Now I should point out, Darcy that… heh, heh, heh… well you know how… you know how the Shattering rolls… should you choose not to be employed, you might have a few challenges, you know, on the road.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Well, we’ll just have to deal with those, won’t we?

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

Yes. Very well. Right, right. Um-hm. Yep. Well, I did my duty. I gave you a breakfast. I was charming. And prepared the contracts. It is now your choice.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

We’re not signing your contracts. We’re leaving.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

(from the kitchen)

Do you have any sprinkles in here?

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

Ah, yes. Third shelf on the right.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Thank you!

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Are you making fairy cakes?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Well, I’ve got this new pouch. So I thought it would make sense.

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

Oh, and there’s Impescor sugar underneath in the cabinet. I do believe that’s your preferred brand.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

It is! Thanks so much.

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

Ah. Yes.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Well, we’re gonna wait for you outside! Hurry it up.

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

There’s a smaller contract in there, you know… just a tiny one you could sign?

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Eggerton! We do not at present have legal counsel. Do not sign anything!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okey dokey!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Well, I do indeed thank you for the job offer. Unfortunately I have just recently ended a relationship with Celene slash Morrigu and I am now an independent contractor.

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

Ah, well, you will see here in this contract that there are plenty of options to ensure you’re never placed in a position like that with Celene. And the compensation is, well, quite specialized.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

That’s interesting. We’re not presently being compensated at all.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

It’s not interesting, Blat! Didn’t you just make a contract with Evil? Do you want to make another contract with Evil? Okay, that’s it. Jacklyn, come with me.

SEAN (AS JACKLYN)

Yeah, I’m out of here.

MARISA

And I open the door and I drag Jacklyn out the door.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

We are heading towards Paradox! You two can follow if you want. Let’s go, Jacklyn.

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

Very well. You know, existence is going to end and this would be your one chance to define what’s next for you or you can just disappear like the rest of matter.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Wait, one thing.

MARISA

And I poke my head back into the door.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Do you happen to know a person named Jill?

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

Oh, yes. Lovely young woman, very confused.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Where is she?

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

Oh, I’m sorry. I can’t tell you that.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Yooou can’t tell us that?

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

No.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Not even a clue. A little hint?

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

No, sorry.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Anything?

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

No. Now if you were an employee, of course, if you had the right clearance level—

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Aaaarghhh!

MARISA

And I slam the door in your face.

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

Yep, yep. She’s very, very, very stubborn.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Yes, she, uh, does get like that. Eggsy! Let’s take the fairy cakes to go!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Oh, okay, I just need to find some wrapping.

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

Ah well, it’s your choice. Um, it was lovely meeting you. You sure you don’t want to take that half a bagel to go? It’s just gonna…

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Oh no, no certainly. I can’t say no to a burnt bagel. Ha ha.

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

Good. It’s just gonna go to waste. Very well. Ah, there you are Eggerton.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

I used the contract to make little papers to keep the fairy cakes in.

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

Ah, beautiful. Well done, sir.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Thank you.

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

Okay, well, it’s been nice knowing you. We’ll probably never meet again. Um-hm.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Well, that’s too bad.

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

Yes.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

I do have a question that wasn’t answered. Why do you have such a tall hat if you do not want to be identified by said hat?

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

Ah, well, it is to contain my magnificence, you see.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Oh, that’s a good idea. Magnificence hat container.

SEAN (AS DEREK VON FROMPTON)

Yes.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay. Everything I need to know has been resolved. Party forward.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Right. So you have no other questions whatsoever?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

No.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

None?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

No.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

A human-shaped being connected to the Shattering has offered you a job, highly compensated, for you to be an agent of evil, has offered you a pouch… you’ve made some fairy cakes, gave you two meals and a bed for the night… you have no other questions at all?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

…Should I tip?

HALT, CITIZEN

SEAN

Blat and Eggerton exit the house and as they are stepping out the house dematerializes almost out from under them. And in front of them they see Darcy and they see Jacklyn and both of them are in fighting stances. And they hear a sound because on the street is a human-like figure clad entirely in steel. And the voice from this figure is coming off of a box on its chest.

SEAN (AS ROBOT CENTURION)

HALT, CITIZEN! HALT! STAND DOWN CITIZEN. HALT!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

I‑is that a Centurion?

CARTER (AS BLAT)

I think it’s an early Centurion… like Centurion 1.0?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

No, no, you know what… this is the 1.1 because remember, the box was lower, and no one on the team figured out why that would be a problem until they rolled them out? So then they had to move the voice box up to the chest.

SEAN (AS ROBOT CENTURION)

EMPLOYEE STATUS: NOT CLEARED. STAND BY TO BE ELIMINATED.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Will you guys hurry up?! This thing’s about to attack us.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

I can’t go to the bathroom on command, no matter who you have tell me to do it.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

I‑I think she means that we’re supposed to engage in, uh, combat.

Whirring motors.

SEAN

And you see this strange contraption come out of its shoulder, come down, and it looks sort of similar to a long, cylindrical object that Blat tends to use from time to time… and it fires.

MIKE

Uh, Defy Danger?

MARISA

Heh, yeah.

SEAN

How? What are you doing?

MIKE

I am diving behind Blat.

Laughter.

SEAN

’kay.

CARTER

But Blat will be diving down himself.

SEAN

Okay.

MARISA

I am also diving to the side but I’m pushing Jacklyn the opposite way, away from me so that they’re thrown clear.

SEAN

Okay, everyone roll Defy Danger. You can use Dex or Strength.

MARISA

Is that 2d6?

SEAN

2d6.

MIKE

12!

MARISA

Oh my gosh! That should Defy Danger for all of us.

CARTER

But that just means that you’ve successfully hidden behind me.

MIKE

Yes.

MARISA

I rolled an 8. Oh, wait, but what’s the plus?

SEAN

Dex or Strength.

MARISA

Okay, I have a 9.

SEAN

’kay, you have a 9. Partial.

CARTER

And…

MARISA

Oooooh.

CARTER

5!

MARISA

Hard move… or whatever… what is it called?

MIKE

Hard move.

MARISA

Hard move.

SEAN

Okay, so we have a full success from Eggerton, who basically somersaults behind Blat and then continues head over heels down the road a little bit as the missile impacts right at Blat’s feet and explodes outward in a ripple of flame and shrapnel and sends Blat tumbling head over heels and Darcy… you’re gonna take… can someone roll damage for me? I need a 1d8.

MARISA

I had a partial success!

SEAN

Yup.

MIKE

3.

SEAN

So Darcy, you’re going to take one hit point of damage. And… as secondary blast, just on the outskirts… and, Blat, you are going to take 4 hit points damage.

CARTER

Oh my.

SEAN

You are dazed. You hit the ground so hard, you’re dazed and you can move but you’re not gonna be able to call your soulbound weapon.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Is that what that feels like? I feel so badly I’ve been doing that to people.

SEAN (AS ROBOT CENTURION)

CITIZEN, HALT. YOU WILL BE ELIMINATED. STAND STILL AND PREPARE TO BE KILLED.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

I have a question! Uh, which citizen are you speak… there’s four of us. Well, there’s three citizens and one other ’cause I think technically Jacklyn doesn’t count as a citizen ’cause Jacklyn is from a different storyverse.

SEAN

The Centurion’s hand comes forward and the end of a Gatling gun pops out of it… and it begins to fire in rapid succession at Eggerton.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Oh no.

MIKE

I try and turn into a pigeon and fly away.

SEAN

Okay. Uh, what move is that?

MIKE

That is my Shapeshifter move.

SEAN

Okay. So first you’re gonna roll Defy Danger just to duck down from these bullets.

MIKE

Defy Danger! Ooohhh… that’s a 3.

SEAN

You see Eggerton mid sentence… you see two bullets rip right into his shoulder and spin him around and he drops down behind a bump in the road with a scream.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Aaaahhh!

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Eggerton! Jacklyn, it’s time to use your bucket. Use the bucket!

SEAN (AS JACKLYN)

I’m on it.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Right to the head!

SEAN

1d6. Can someone roll a 1d6 for Eggerton?

CARTER

4.

SEAN

Eggerton, you take 4 hit points of damage from that bullet.

SEAN (AS JACKLYN)

I’m on it!

SEAN

Jacklyn takes off at a run towards the Centurion, starting to swing their bucket. Aaaannd, someone needs to roll for Jacklyn. Uh, Marisa, do you wanna roll or Carter?

MARISA

Yeah, Carter.

SEAN

Roll Hack ‘n’ Slash for…

CARTER

Oh, 2d6?

SEAN

Yep.

MARISA

Oh, Carter’s a terrible roller today.

CARTER

5.

SEAN

So that’s +1… 6. Yeah, no. So Jacklyn goes running up, connects with the Centurion with a mighty crack… and their bucket cracks.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

(gasps)

SEAN

And they drop to their knees, cradling the bucket at the Centurion’s feet.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Jacklyn!

MARISA

And I run over and I put myself around Jacklyn to try and move them out of the way of any move by the Centurion.

SEAN

Okay. Perfect.

MARISA

Also, did I hear Blat can’t call his bazooka?

SEAN

At that moment.

MARISA

Oh, okay.

SEAN

Roll 2d6 for Defy Danger on behalf of Jacklyn, because the Centurion is beginning to swing an arm towards Jacklyn.

MARISA

It’s an 8! Do I get any pluses?

SEAN

Uh, Dex or Strength?

MARISA

9.

SEAN

Okay, so partial success. So you do manage to keep Jacklyn from being struck but you get struck and you take 2 hit points of damage as you are sent flying backwards with your arms around Jacklyn.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Aaaahh!

SEAN (AS ROBOT CENTURION)

CITIZENS! TO DEFY THE EMPEROR IS A DEATH SENTENCE. PREPARE TO DIE.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

(groggy)

The Emperor hasn’t been born yet.

SEAN

And you see another tube come up on the other shoulder and start to pop down in your direction.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Wait, wait! What if we don’t defy the Emperor? What if we obey the Emperor?! You haven’t given us a chance to obey!

SEAN (AS ROBOT CENTURION)

CITIZEN! YOUR RECORDS ARE NOT REGISTERED AS EMPLOYEES. PREPARE TO BE ELIMINATED.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

But I am an employee! I am an employee at the cafeteria.

SEAN

You see the head sort of like jiggle—ksh-ksh. And you see black smoke coming out of it.

SEAN (AS ROBOT CENTURION)

CIT-CIT-CITIZEN, YOU ARE NOT AN EMPLOYEE OF THE SH-SH-SHATTERING. PREPARE TO B‑B-BE ELIMINATED.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

I’m an employee! I’m an employee and my number is 58432! Five, Eight, Four, Three, Two!

SEAN (AS ROBOT CENTURION)

CITIZEN, CITIZEN, THAT NUMBER IS NOT R‑R-REGISTERED. YOU ARE NOT AN EMPLOYEE OF THE SH-SH-SHATTERING. YOU MUST BE ELIMINATED.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

It’s a machine! Ask it to define love!

SEAN

It fires another missile in the direction of Blat who is just starting to stand up. Are you Defying Danger… what are you doing?

CARTER

I am defying danger. I’m gonna attempt to hop away.

MARISA

Oh.

CARTER

4!

MARISA

Terrible.

(excitedly)

Oh, we should be marking all our fails!

SEAN

Yeah, that’s two fails.

MIKE

I got one ’cuz I just… I just roll well.

SEAN

The missile strikes Blat straight in the chest and there’s this… just giant explosion as Blat is sent flying way back and hits the ground sliding on his back.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhh!

SEAN

Someone roll 1d8 for me. I should just have dice but…

MIKE

You really should have dice.

MARISA

Yeah, you should have dice.

SEAN

I’m not supposed to in Dungeon World.

MIKE

2.

SEAN

Okay, so you’re gonna take 3 damage.

MARISA

And I grab one of the shards of Jacklyn’s pail…

SEAN

Yeah.

MARISA

And I shove it right in the weakest part of the Centurion which I assume is where something connects to something else… right into its circuits!

SEAN

Right. So you grab this and Jacklyn’s not even moving and you charge forward… roll Hack ‘n’ Slash.

MARISA

It’s a 9! Which would be a 10 If you give me a plus on Dex.

SEAN

Yup. So that is a pure success. You have a choice to make on a pure success. So, you can do +1d6 damage ’cause the shard’s gonna do, like, 2, or you can, but that will expose you. So you can do an additional 1d6, but that will expose you, or you can not do the 1d6 additional and take no risk.

MARISA

I’ll do the +1d6.

SEAN

Okay, roll your 1d6.

MARISA

It’s a 5.

SEAN

Okay, so you see the piece of wood sort of lodge in there, but nothing, it wasn’t going to really do anything. And then as it starts to yank out, you see it snag a wire and it rips the whole wire out. And you see this explosion on the side of the Centurion as a result of that, and it staggers off to the other side to its right. So, that’s five.

MARISA

That was a +6. So it should be 5 plus whatever it was going to take.

SEAN

Yup. So there’s smoke and flame rolling out of the Centurion on one side and all of a sudden its boots light up and you see flames are roaring out and it starts to lift up into the air and you see its head lift back and another tube come out and angle down towards Darcy. You can now do anything you want. You all have full moves. You were trying to change into a…?

MIKE

Into a pigeon.

SEAN

Pigeon. Okay, so roll your ability.

MIKE

Uh, 12!

MARISA

Wow, you are rolling well.

SEAN

For the first time, those of you who happen to look or see over… you see Eggerton, his little wings flapping mightily as he raises into the air, making pigeon sounds.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

(cooing)

Woooh! Woo, woo, woo! Wooooh!

SEAN

And the Centurion is getting pretty high up now and turning and targeting down on Darcy and preparing to fire.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Bazooka.

SEAN

Roll Volley.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Watch the birdie, you mechanized abomination.

SEAN

Plus Dex.

CARTER

8.

SEAN

Partial success. So the kickback from the bazooka, ’cause you were sort of half on the ground, causes you to hit your head… you take another 2 hit points of damage.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

My noggin!

SEAN

And you just hear the missile spiraling off and then you hear an explosion and a tinkling sound as bits of metal rain down on the ground all around Darcy and one of the feet sort of flies off in a random direction, disconnected from the Centurion that no longer exists. You don’t… you can roll me damage but it’s pretty much… it was at 1 hit point so as long as you roll more than a 1. Oh, it does have armour so anyway let’s check it. Oh, yes. Never mind. It’s dead.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Guys, did you see what I did?! I turned into a pigeon and made it blow up.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

I‑I didn’t see that. I was too distr…

SEAN

What you hear is…

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

(cooing)

Whooo! Wooo! Woooo! Whoo.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Did he eat another fairy cake?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

I didn’t see him do it but maybe he did. Fairy cake of evil! Fairy cake of evil! Because you made it in an evil kitchen!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Whooo?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Ugh, it’s turned him into some kind of crazy person now.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Alright, c’mere Eggsy… we know how to do this. I’m gonna wrap my arms around you and I’m gonna make a fist and then you’re just gonna try to go limp. And…

(grunting)

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Hurk!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Did you guys see me?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

See you do what?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

I blew up the Centurion after I turned into a pigeon!

MARISA (AS DARCY)

I think that was Blat’s bazooka.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

No, I’m pretty sure it was me.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Oh, boy. Jacklyn, are you okay?

SEAN

Jacklyn is busy doing something. Jacklyn is ripping pieces of metal off. You see blood on their hands. And they seem to be pulling the pieces of wood apart.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Jacklyn, what are you doing? What’s going on?

SEAN (AS JACKLYN)

I’m fine. I saw what you did.

I’m gonna turn this bucket into a weapon.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Well, your hands are bleeding. Do you need help?

SEAN (AS JACKLYN)

No.

SEAN

And Jacklyn is pulling the pieces of wood off into splinters as you had used.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

That’s a very unusual set of skills you have there, Jacklyn.

SEAN (AS JACKLYN)

This is all I have left of Jill. And if it needs to be a weapon, it’s gonna be a weapon.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

I’d just like to point out that immediately turning down a job offer is the reason why this happened. This is why you have to woo them a little. Say, “Oh, I have to talk to my people about your generous offer, yada yada yada.” But saying no outright, is why that happened.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

You weren’t negotiating for a job at a photocopy place. This was evil. You can’t negotiate with evil. Now listen, come here, come over here.

MARISA

And I touch Blat on the shoulder and I use my Cure Light Wounds on him.

SEAN

Okay.

MARISA

And my amulet glows blue as I… do something which I’m going to look at… ah. “At your touch, wounds scab and bone cease to ache. Heal an ally you touch of 1d8 damage.” But I’m also I’m a devoted healer so I add my level to it.

(rolls)

So… technically it’s 11.

SEAN

Okay, you get 11 hit points.

CARTER

Full health!

SEAN

You see this the light from Darcy’s amulet glow out and spread across Blat’s body, and you see his nose straighten, you see a wound heal up.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Ah! It’s shame you couldn’t also fix my shirt.

I’m just saying… that because we turned out evil. They’re going to send out evil against us.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Yeah, duh.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Oh. “Duh.” Well, we had to fight them immediately. And did anyone else notice where the building went?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

What building?

CARTER (AS BLAT)

The building that we spent the night in. It’s not there anymore.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Where?

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Here! This space where there isn’t a building?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Yeah?

CARTER (AS BLAT)

There was a building there before.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

But there isn’t a building here.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Yes.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

So what’s the problem?

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Don’t you find that the least bit disconcerting?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

That where there’s no building, there’s no building?

CARTER (AS BLAT)

That there was a building and there is no building.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Well—

CARTER (AS BLAT)

You had breakfast six feet from here!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

I’m not following.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

(sighs)

Come on, we have to get to Paradox as quickly as possible before anything else is sent against us.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Or by hurrying, we may be going quicker to something that’s going to assault us.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Well, it’s the only place I know to go to, Blat, where we might find some answers. Do you have any suggestions?

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Well, other than stringing along the Shattering for a bit so that we could get a higher offer and not get murderized?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Okay, here’s an idea. Why don’t you go back to the house we were staying at knock on the door and try—oh, wait, you can’t, there’s no building left. So I guess there’s just one way to go, isn’t there?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Up!

MARISA (AS DARCY)

No.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Up?!

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Forward.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Oh. Yeah. Forward!

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Yeah. Forward.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Give me your bowl.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

What? I—

CARTER (AS BLAT)

No, give me your bowl! You don’t get to be a general any more.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Aww.

MIDROLL

ANNOUNCER

It’s the beginning of the middle of The End of Time and Other Bothers.

SEAN

Hey everyone, Sean here. And thank you all so much for tuning in. And we are so excited to get back to the major storyline in this episode that’s coming.

Now, we’re going to break from tradition—next episode, we’ll be coming back and shouting out all of our amazing patrons old and new. But right now I want to let you all know about a new show that I’ve just launched together with Russ More from Dumbgeons and Dragons. It’s called DM to GM. It’s all about getting your game going. This is a talk show where Russ and I answer your questions and help you as a DM or a GM start your table. Or if you’ve got a table running and you’re feeling a little nervous and want to try something different. We’re here to help. It’s coming out every two weeks. Just search for DM to GM. That’s DM to GM, and we’re available everywhere you listen to podcasts.

And now let’s get you back to the show.

MIDROLL: HOTLINE

SEAN (AS CELENE)

Hello, beloved being. You have reached Celene’s hotline. I’m currently OTHERWISE ENGAGED in a battle for my life and all of existence ON THE MOON. So please leave a message after the tone and someone WON’T GET BACK TO YOU.

SEAN (AS THE ANSWERING MACHINE)

Beep.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Hello Celene, It is I, Blat, and I’m calling to tender my resignation! That’s right. I’m not going to be opening any more churches or clubhouses or what-have-you in your name. Mostly because I was very bad at it. I’m not quite sure what happened—I was told by Darcy that you’ve been sucked up to the moon—

SEAN (AS THE ANSWERING MACHINE)

Beep! Message limit reached. To keep this message, press 1. To record again, press 2. To send as is, press 3.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Oh lord, why—all right. No, no, I don’t want to… All right. Ahem. Well, we’ll just make this quick.

Hello, Celene! I wish to tender my resignation. You’re on the moon; I won’t go there, so we don’t need to see each other anymore and maybe we should start seeing other people. I didn’t enjoy being uh, looked upon by you in such a manner—

SEAN (AS THE ANSWERING MACHINE)

Beep! Message length reached. To record again, press or say 1. To keep message as is press or say 2—

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Oh no. Uh, one? Record again, one?

All right! Celene! I quit, you’re gone, uh, you made me feel badly about myself and you got naked a lot which I didn’t like, perhaps I will get someone else to do that for me in the future who I like better—okay, signing off, bye bye.

SEAN (AS THE ANSWERING MACHINE)

Beep! I’m sorry, this message mailbox is full.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

What?! Why din’t you tell me that before! You stupid…! Aw, Morrigu.

SEAN (AS THE ANSWERING MACHINE)

Some messages are more important than others—like yours. We will listen to your message. Visit patreon.com/albasalix to show your support for Celene and the moon or visit us at otherbothers.com.

THE RUINS

Melancholy acoustic guitar music.

SEAN

There’s a roar of a waterfall that we can feel in our bones, and a tang to the air we can taste as we fly over the town of Paradox—the falls climbing up into the sun, higher than can be fathomed or seen. And down, down we go, over rooftops around chimneys, until we come to the end of a street where there used to be a gate. And we find our adventurers standing there, getting soaked by the mist and staring down at a giant crater of destruction..

CARTER (AS BLAT)

You see, there used to be a building as well! And noww it’s not there anymore. It’s disconcerting.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

What?

CARTER (AS BLAT)

It’s disconcerting!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

What?!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Building go bye bye!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Oh! That was Darcy.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Hey! I… didn’t mean to…

I think we have to talk to some of the townspeople. See if they know anything. Maybe find Moira.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Who?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Moira!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Oh.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Let’s go into the village where we can hear each other better.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

What?

MARISA

So I start walking away from the waterfall into the village.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

No it’s good! She’s going into the village. We can hear each other better!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

What?

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Building go bye bye!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Oh yeah, we should go into the village so we can hear each other better!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Right.

PARADOX

SEAN

So Darcy is walking through a busy street with carts and people stopping to look, or nod, recognizing her. And as you get farther from the falls, your ears are ringing less.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Uh, excuse me. Excuse me!

SEAN (AS A SHOPKEEPER)

Yes. Hello!

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Hello there. How are you?

SEAN (AS THE SHOPKEEPER)

Oh, good. I haven’t seen you about these parts in some time.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

No, we’ve been traveling, as we do a lot…

SEAN (AS JILL)

I haven’t seen you since the explosions!

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Yes—so about that. Do you know what happened to the Academy of the Fallen?

SEAN (AS THE SHOPKEEPER)

Oh, no, it was fires for weeks!

MARISA (AS DARCY)

(unsettled)

Oh.

SEAN (AS THE SHOPKEEPER)

Many people and sirens and troops… It was very, very disturbing.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

That does sound bad. But the village seems to have recovered fairly well!

SEAN (AS THE SHOPKEEPER)

Oh, yeah, we make do, you know, we get by.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Do you know where the headmistress of the school went to? Do you remember Moira?

SEAN (AS THE SHOPKEEPER)

We don’t remember much. There was a darkness and we stayed indoors. Anyone who went out disappeared, and so we we stayed inside. I don’t think anyone you’re looking for is left.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Oh. Well… I’m so sorry that it was so traumatic and, uh, thank you for talking to me.

SEAN (AS THE SHOPKEEPER)

It’s been good since it stopped smoking.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Yeah, I could see that…

SEAN (AS THE SHOPKEEPER)

It’s good to have people back, you know, the trade’s been down. Can I interest you in any wares? Sandals?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

I don’t really need anything, um…

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

I’m in need of a new hat!

SEAN (AS THE SHOPKEEPER)

Ah, yes! Come, come, I’ll get you a hat.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Excellent.

SEAN (AS THE SHOPKEEPER)

What are we thinking? A bonnet?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Oh no, no, we need something that that really shows off prestige, and leadership.

SEAN (AS THE SHOPKEEPER)

Ahh! Say no more. Come in. Come in.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okey dokey, here we go.

The shop door shuts behind them.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Darcy, look! I found zucchini on a stick.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

That’s great. That’s that’s exactly what we were looking for, Blat. Zucchini on a stick.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

We’ve been watching for a while—it’s zucchini on a stick.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Well, forgive me if I don’t have much of an appetite because I realized that I’m probably responsible for destroying the whole Academy and everyone in it. I’m just feeling maybe a little bit un-hungry right now.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Well, think about it this way. We come from the future, right?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Yes.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

We’ve come back in time.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Okay.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

You think perhaps you’ve done something that you weren’t supposed to do.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Right.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

We still exist. So perhaps what happened was supposed to happen. This has always been part of the past.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

I still feel crappy about it.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

You know what makes you feel less crappy?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Is it zucchini on a stick?

CARTER (AS BLAT)

…It’s zucchini on a stick.

SEAN (AS THE SHOPKEEPER)

There you go, young man! Ah! Looking pretty—

SEAN

So Eggerton comes out wearing one of the knight’s helms with the visor up.

SEAN (AS THE SHOPKEEPER)

I do say it, looks quite, quite impressive on him. Wouldn’t you all say?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Hey guys, check this out! Clunk! I’m fully armored now.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

You’re wearing a dead man’s helmet.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

We don’t know that he’s dead. Maybe he just got tired of the blood smell in here.

SEAN (AS THE SHOPKEEPER)

Oh no, he was dead. But it’s been cleaned many times.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Oh cool. So this little bit of gray stuff up here under the visor.

SEAN (AS THE SHOPKEEPER)

Oh, don’t touch that.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Oh, okay, here, I’ll just lift that back up.

So what do you think? Does this suit me? The helm look?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Uhh…

SEAN (AS THE SHOPKEEPER)

Very becoming.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

If it still smells like blood after being cleaned many times, just imagine how much blood was in it originally.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Hmm, good point. Okay, maybe we should try something a little more traditional. How many purple feathers do you have?

SEAN (AS THE SHOPKEEPER)

Oh, yes! I can put a ton of purple feathers on that. Come inside! Come inside.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay, here we go.

They go back inside.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Hm. So, what do you think might have happened to Moira?

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Well… potentially, Moira may have accepted the job offer from the Shattering…

MIKE

(laughs)

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Uh, I suppose that’s possible, but she spent her whole life fighting the Shattering, so doesn’t that seem unlikely?

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Well… true. It would have been against her morals. But you know, the job offer I feel was sort of wink-wink, nudge-nudge, sign here or you get murderised. That tends to change people’s minds a bit.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

And whatever happened to Ananka? Ananka was always trying to help us—why isn’t she trying to help us now?

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Witchy Bone Stick Lady?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Yes, Witchy Bone Stick Lady.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

When did she help us before? It was like, “Ahh, I have a feeling about something! Oh, no, I don’t.”

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Yeah, but I still felt like she was on our side.

The door opens again.

SEAN (AS THE SHOPKEEPER)

(hums a fanfare)

Doot do do dooo! I present to you—the Emperor Knight himself!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Hellooo! How majestic do I look in the royal purple?

CARTER (AS BLAT)

You look like a circus performer.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

But like a royal circus performer?

SEAN (AS THE SHOPKEEPER)

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Sure.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

What do you think, Darcy?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

I think that… it looks… great!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Excellent. How much?

SEAN (AS THE SHOPKEEPER)

Only 80 crowns!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Uh, 80…

SEAN (AS THE SHOPKEEPER)

To appear so majestic.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

It is very majestic. Uh, Blat, do you have any crowns on you?

CARTER (AS BLAT)

(quietly)

No, Eggerton I had future money that I lost to you. We can’t give this peasant from our past future money.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

But I gave the money back to you. Do you not remember that whole thing and you were like, Oh, I gotta have the plate—

SEAN (AS THE SHOPKEEPER)

Do you not have any money, young man?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Well, no, we—haha, it’s funny. So we have money—

SEAN (AS THE SHOPKEEPER)

That’s it! It’s off!

The shop owner pulls the hat off Eggerton.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Woop!

SEAN (AS THE SHOPKEEPER)

There we go. Have a nice day.

The shop door slams.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Well, thanks a lot, Blat. Now I’ll never look majestic again.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Yes. Finances is what was stopping that from happening.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Oh wait, wait, look! He dropped the feather. Okay, here we go. I’ve got a feather and that’s going right behind my ear now.

SEAN

You hear the sound of hammering coming down the street every once in a while.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

What—do you hear that noise?

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Like, a booming only not as loud?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Yeah, kind of.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

We should investigate!

SEAN

You see coming down the street and stopping to put up some kind of sign or parchment—you see what looks like Cyrus the halfling, hammering up a notice and working his way down the street.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

It’s Cyrus! I saw him not long ago!

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Come on. Let’s let’s go over and say hi.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Cyrus! Cyrus!

SEAN

He sees Eggerton and turns and starts to quickly move the opposite direction.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Oh, he must not know it’s us. Let’s hurry up. Let’s run after him.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Yeah, yeah, catch up with him. Let’s go.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

We all gotta run.

SEAN (AS CYRUS)

Oh god…

(panting)

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Cyrus! It’s us!

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Cyrus!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

How you doing, buddy? Have you been working on your morning affirmations?

SEAN (AS CYRUS)

I don’t want to get tarred and feathered again, Eggerton. Let’s not be seen together.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

What? No. Okay? So, to be fair, the feathers were a good look.

SEAN (AS CYRUS)

(grumbles)

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Look, I’ve got a new feather. This one’s purple.

SEAN (AS CYRUS)

Um. Oh.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Hi, Cyrus. It’s me, Darcy. You might remember me, ha ha.

SEAN (AS CYRUS)

Hi, Darcy.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

What… what do you mean by the tarring and feathering? What was that about?

SEAN (AS CYRUS)

You really shouldn’t be seen around here—if the wrong people… They’re a little upset and angry about what happened with the Academy of the Fallen.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

I think he’s talking about when you let the Shattering in and it slaughtered everyone—

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Yeah, I know what he’s talking about, Eggerton. I got it.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

—and then destroyed the building and—

SEAN (AS CYRUS)

I really have to be going. It’s been lovely seeing you all.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Wait. Wait, do you know where Moira is?

SEAN (AS CYRUS)

Let’s not use that name in public. No. The only one I know is—I have seen Snegal and that’s it. I don’t know if anyone else survived.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Well, where is Snegal?

SEAN (AS CYRUS)

Well, you’re in luck.

SEAN

And he hands you one of the parchments.

MARISA

And I look at it, and what does it say?

SEAN (AS SNEGAL)

“Adventurers wanted for hazardous journey. Small wages, bitter cold, long months of complete darkness, constant danger, safe return doubtful, hmm, honour and recognition in case of success—Snegal.”

MARISA

And I hold it up to Blat.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Look at this! Snegal’s actually trying to hire people.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

And somehow the offer from the Shattering seems more palatable.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

I don’t care what you say. We’re going to see him. He’s the only one who knows what’s going on around here. Okay, Cyrus, thanks very much. Do you know where, uh, I guess the address is right here at the bottom.

SEAN (AS CYRUS)

Yeah, the Fae Stone.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Oh, where we arrived here!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

I know where that is!

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Excellent. Let’s go.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Maybe we can find some more fallen feathers along the way.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Maybe we can.

SEAN (AS CYRUS)

Good luck.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Bye, Cyrus! It was good to see you again! I’m glad we’re such close friends, Cyrus!

SEAN (AS CYRUS)

Yeah, we’re not.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

You, me—I’m Eggerton—Darcy and Blat…

Shouts go up in the distance: “Get him!” “Get the little halfling!”

SEAN (AS CYRUS)

Oh God no…

(panting)

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Run, Cyrus! Run!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

It’s nice to see him working on self improvement that way.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Yeah… I don’t think he wants to be doing that. Let’s go. Quickly.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Okay.

Silence.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Oh yeah, they got him.

THE BLATAVAN

SEAN

The path through the forest is more overgrown than before, the old ruts from the wagon wheels disappearing. The forest sounds are interrupted by the sounds of Eggerton coming over the rise towards the Fae Stone clearing.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

(panting)

I don’t remember it being this far. What if everyone just slows down a little bit and… I can catch up… Okay! We’re almost there!

(gasping for breath)

Blat, you know, you could probably carry all of us… and then we can get there faster…

CARTER (AS BLAT)

I can’t carry three people. It’s impossible.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

You could probably carry me—I think that’s the point that everyone’s making and agreeing on.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Isn’t a little bit of exercise good for you, Eggerton?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Well, I think it’s good for—

MARISA (AS DARCY)

It’s good to see you having exercise.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

I see what you’re trying to do, but I don’t think it applies in this situation.

(gasps)

Because Cyrus, he needs some self-care to feel better, but I’ve gotta—I’m out breath. I’m just gonna—ughhhh.

Eggerton falls over.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Hey, we’re here!

SEAN

In the clearing ahead, next to the Fae Stone, you see a stunning caravan—a completely enclosed wagon that’s about 20 feet long and maybe 10 feet wide. It is a bright orange with blue trim, and it is protect with flags, and strange paraphernalia as if things that were just found in the wreckage, painted every color under the sun, and it is quite garish. And at the front, on top of it, you see a very familiar old imp friend, and he appears to be asleep.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

(whispers)

What has Snegal been up to?

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Oh, I don’t know what’s going to be worse: having an evil goddess as a boss… or Snegal.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Well, I think there’s one person here he’s gonna be very happy to see! And that person should be the first one to greet him.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Indeed. Eggsy! Get up!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Wha? Oh boy. Oooh, look at the pretty!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Yes! Go towards the pretty and, uh, talk to Snegal.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Snegal’s here? Snegal!

SEAN (AS SNEGAL)

(groggy)

Hmm?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Snegal! Wake up!

SEAN (AS SNEGAL)

His Lordship?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

He’s here! Blat’s right here! He misses you!

SEAN

Snegal moves about 50 miles an hour, right past Eggerton—and impacts with Blat’s shins and his arms and legs are wrapped around Blat’s leg.

SEAN (AS SNEGAL)

Oh! His Lordship! His Evilship! Oh! I thought you were gone! Ohhh, Your Lordship I thought—oh, let me adjust your pants, brush that off—

CARTER (AS BLAT)

No, uh—no—I don’t need—

SEAN (AS SNEGAL)

I bow before you, Your Evilship! Ohoho!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

I’m not evil. I had an offer. I didn’t take it.

SEAN (AS SNEGAL)

Oh! It is good! Where have you been, Your Evilship? I waited for you for many days in the crater. Oh, the people were not very happy. They chased Snegal off! And then Snegal come up with plan—plan to take back the Shattering. Snegal been very busy building the Blat Caravan! Come! Come see!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

The… Blat Caravan?

SEAN (AS SNEGAL)

Ah. Yes, well, I thought you were dead. So I named it after you! Ha ha. See? Um…

MARISA (AS DARCY)

It’s true. It says “Blatavan”.

SEAN (AS SNEGAL)

Yes, ha ha, I ran out of paint, had to shorten.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Well, it’s catchy, Snegal. It’s catchy.

SEAN (AS SNEGAL)

It is? Oh, thank you. Do you like the paint color?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

I do! I like the paint colors a lot.

SEAN (AS SNEGAL)

It was supposed to be Blat red, but I only had orange. And blue. And green.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

The “Blatavan”? It sounds like a cold medication.

SEAN (AS SNEGAL)

Oh. We can change it, Your Evilship!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

No, that’s… that’s fine, Snegal. Let’s see what you got. We’ve got a few questions we need to ask.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Yeah, I have a question, Snegal. What happened at the Academy? Where is everyone?

SEAN (AS SNEGAL)

Oh, well, oh, um. I’m sure it was just gossip, you know, office gossip, what I heard, ha ha ha. Just gossip, all I heard, nothing important.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

What’d you hear, Snegal.

SEAN (AS SNEGAL)

That you unleashed the Shattering and destroyed everyone?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

I didn’t do that!

SEAN (AS SNEGAL)

Oh, good. That’s what I said, ha ha, just gossip.

Awkward silence.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Funny story…

SEAN (AS SNEGAL)

Oh good. Snegal loves funny stories.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

So a Darcy walks into an Academy and the Academy says, “Hey, why the long face?” And then Darcy releases the Shattering.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

It’s not a funny story, Eggerton.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

I’m trying to soften the blow for him.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Yes, thank you.

SEAN (AS SNEGAL)

That seems sad more than funny.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Snegal! Regardless of who or what released the Shattering, I’m interested to know what happened afterwards. Where’s Moira? Where are all those big knights. What happened to the Academy?

SEAN (AS SNEGAL)

Oh, the Academy’s destroyed, um, most of the knights are dead. A few survivors—but come, come see my Blatavan! I’m working hard on it. It’s a mobile base of operations! Ha ha, see, we can be the new Academy, the Blatavan-academy, no that doesn’t work. But here, come, come!

SEAN

And he opens the door at the back.

MIKE

I head in.

SEAN

And you see a hallway that is longer than should be allowed in the caravan space.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Did someone give me a fairy cake?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

No, but… Snegal—how can this be possible? What’s going on?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Why is it bigger on the inside?

SEAN (AS SNEGAL)

Oh, you know, I was gonna build it just with like, lumber and stuff, but it was really tiring and really slow. So I may have used a little bit of magic to make it.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Wha—Snegal, you know how to build things with magic?!

SEAN (AS SNEGAL)

Yes.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

You’re a magic user.

SEAN (AS SNEGAL)

Oh yes. Snegal been practicing magic ever since he was eensy little mini-imp, ha ha.

CARTER

Blat picks Snegal up by the armpits and shakes him in front of his face.

SEAN (AS SNEGAL)

Ohohoho! Oh, Your Evilship, that tickles! That tickles!

CARTER (AS BLAT)

All of the time—we have spent in this backward era, getting possessed by goddesses, fired at, blown up, killed and reawakened—you could have helped us with magic?!

SEAN (AS SNEGAL)

Oh yeah. Snegal always wanted to come on missions with you and you always said, “Oh no, Snegal, you stay here! You shouldn’t come with us. You stay here and sing the friend song alone!” and Snegal was like, “Okay…” And then you leave me, and then you left me for real and everything blew up! And Snegal survived, and then I thought, well, I’ll make a caravan in the name of Blat. But you’re here, Blat! So now it can be the Blatavan!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Wait, wait wait wait. Okay, okay, I’ve got a very important question that needs to be sorted out. You have very powerful magic. It’s very impressive.

SEAN (AS SNEGAL)

Oh no, nothing like His Lordship. His Lordship is way more impressive.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Well, this is good. I mean, it’s it’s a long hallway in a short space. My question, though, is if you can do magic to do this, why can you only paint it orange?

SEAN (AS SNEGAL)

(dejected)

I’m not very good at certain magic. I was supposed to be—and in school, I didn’t pay attention, and I got in trouble, and I was told I’m stupid and I just don’t do that very well.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Well, you’re not stupid, Snegal! We all have our different strengths.

SEAN (AS SNEGAL)

Thank you, Eggsy!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

For example, mine is feather-based.

SEAN (AS SNEGAL)

Yes. Oh, and leadership.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Yes! Thank you. Thank you, Snegal, for recognizing that.

SEAN (AS SNEGAL)

Yes, General.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Thank you. We’re gonna get along real well, I think.

SEAN (AS SNEGAL)

Oh! Are we on equal status now? Are you gonna keep holding me like this, Your Lordship?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

It is nice that you’re helping him see you at eye level to create equality with your partner.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

(grimly)

Show me where my shirts are, you little devious imp.

SEAN (AS SNEGAL)

(gasps)

Oh yes! Oh, come, come! I saved all your shirts! Come, come, come!

SEAN

So! I need help from the table. How many doors are there in the Blatavan?

MIKE

64.

MARISA

(simultaneously)

Ten.

SEAN

Which do we want, 64 or ten?

MARISA

Ten!

MIKE

(laughs)

SEAN

Ten.

MARISA

How about in between? 20.

MIKE

How about in between? TEN.

SEAN

Ten it is.

So… door number 1, 2…

MIKE

(announcer voice)

Behind door number 3 is…!

SEAN

So, you put Snegal down? Are you still holding him?

CARTER

Uh, I put him down.

SEAN

Okay, so Snegal grabs your pant leg and tries to half-lead you down to door number 7, which he gestures for you to open.

SEAN (AS SNEGAL)

Oho! This very special, worked very hard on this one. Again, it’s orange. That’s my only color.

CARTER

Blat unbuttons the shirt with the huge blown-out hole in the chest, drops it on top of Snegal’s head and walks through the door.

SEAN

…into a walk-in closet that is larger than the apartment you lived in in the future. There are shoes all along the bottom, different pairs, colours, styles. There are shirts all lined up, and there’s one section which is all the shirts he saved of yours. There are suit jackets. There are those with wing holes cut and those that aren’t. And there’s mirrors every five feet.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

This is a better wardrobe than I had in my era.

SEAN (AS SNEGAL)

Oh, I’m still working on the cufflinks. I haven’t got that installed yet.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

You’re able to replicate material that hasn’t even been invented yet!

SEAN (AS SNEGAL)

Oh, no, I buy all these things. I’ve been buying everything.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

…I’m putting a suit on.

SEAN (AS SNEGAL)

Okay, I’ll close the door so you’ll have privacy!

SEAN

And he closes the door with him inside.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Now, Jacklyn, I know you’ve been really quiet. And I know it’s because you’re not talking to me right now. Because you keep hearing all this stuff about the Shattering and how I caused it—but I didn’t. I need to explain this to you. It was a mistake. I used a device I shouldn’t have. I would never release the Shattering on an unsuspecting—

SEAN (AS JACKLYN)

I know. I’m not being quiet for that reason. Darcy, I know… I get you. I had misplaced anger. I’ve been quiet because we are so close right now, and I’m just so confused… but I’m trusting you.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Okay, good. I just want to make sure things were good between us. Especially since you’ve got that new spear thing, ha ha, you’ve been carrying around.

SEAN (AS JACKLYN)

Oh, sorry, yeah, I’ll put that down. I was a little nervous.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Yeah. Anyway, uh, this is our friend Snegal. I know he seems a little weird… but he’s a good little imp and we like him. And it looks like you might actually have created something of use here.

SEAN (AS JACKLYN)

He’s gonna be in there while Blat changes?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Yeah, so here’s the thing about Snegal and Blat. They say there was just a friendship song… but questions remain, if you get my meaning.

SEAN (AS JACKLYN)

Oh! That’s cool by me.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Mm hmm. They just don’t like to talk about it in front of us.

SEAN (AS JACKLYN)

Oh, understood.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Yeah.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Snegal, I can put my own belt on! Get out!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

See?

SEAN (AS SNEGAL)

Okay, just making sure!

SEAN

The door opens, Snegal comes out—

SEAN (AS SNEGAL)

Oh, it’s so good to have His Evilship back!

MARISA (AS DARCY)

So, Snegal, what else do you have in here? I guess you have a kitchen? And what other rooms?

SEAN (AS SNEGAL)

Oh yes, uh, kitchen—door number 8.

SEAN

He goes down one door and opens it, and you see, not a large—like, a galley kitchen, but it’s well stocked.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Very nice! I’m gonna investigate this. You all go have fun somewhere else.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Wait. Is Pfillllll-thi-tckkkkt with you?

SEAN (AS SNEGAL)

Oh, yes! Pfillllll-thi-tckkkkt made it out.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Oh, thank goodness! I was so worried.

SEAN (AS SNEGAL)

I recreated his room exactly. Here, it is room number… oh, I always get it confused… 2! Door number 2.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Oh, that’s great! I’d love to say hello.

SEAN

Okay! I’m sure Pfillllll-thi-tckkkkt will be very happy to see and touch you.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Okay!

MARISA

And I open door number 2.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Jacklyn! You should come with me! You should meet Pfillllll-thi-tckkkkt.

The Quartermaster’s spacey synthesizer melody plays.

SEAN (AS JACKLYN)

Oh, okay—woah! Nope! Nope, stepping out! Jacklyn is stepping out—you have fun, floating fish thing is too much for me!

MARISA

And I reach forward to embrace the tendrils that are offered towards me.

SEAN

Pfillllll-thi-tckkkkt comes over a counter that looks just like the room, flying forward and tendrils wrap around your arms. And the memory that you share is…?

MARISA

Uh…

SEAN

You can pick anything. Doesn’t have to be your memory. It can be recent, it could be anything.

MARISA

(thinks)

Coming over the hill, and seeing the fae stone just very, very recently as we just came over the hill, and getting a little sad and emotional because this is where this all started. And I have all these conflicting feelings and all that goes towards Pfillllll-thi-tckkkkt.

SEAN

And you experience it again—those feelings rushing up through you. And then you feel a new emotion, of calm but of determination… and as you open your eyes, Pfillllll-thi-tckkkkt backs away, but leaves there in front of you a gleaming mace on the ground.

MARISA (AS DARCY)

(softly)

Wow. Thank you Pfillllll-thi-tckkkkt. I think I can actually use this.

Thank you. I’m so glad you’re still alive.

SEAN

Pfillllll-thi-tckkkkt’s song changes slightly, and floats off away.

MARISA

And a little tear falls down Darcy’s cheek.

SEAN

So write down that you have a mace, and we’ll figure out what it is.

MARISA

Do you know what kind of mace? Or just a—

SEAN

Not yet. That all just came out of that.

So we returned to the hall where Jacklyn has backed out of the room that Darcy went into, and bumps into Eggerton.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Hi, Jacklyn!

SEAN (AS JACKLYN)

Hi. Uh… is Darcy okay in there?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Oh, that’s just Pfillllll-thi-tckkkkt!

SEAN (AS JACKLYN)

Great.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

They’re the quartermaster!

SEAN (AS JACKLYN)

Oh, great. Uh… I’m just gonna stay here in the hall.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Why don’t you come into the kitchen with me? We can make fairy cakes!

SEAN (AS JACKLYN)

Oh, okay.

The jazzy kitchen drums start up.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

All right. So in we go and… oh, hi, Mr. Bowl!

SEAN (AS THE BOWL)

Hey Eggerton!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

How’s it been? It’s been a while since we got to hang out.

SEAN (AS THE BOWL)

It has indeed! And do I have some friends for you!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

What! Is everyone here again?

SEAN (AS THE BOWL)

Yeah! Here’s the sugar cubes!

CARTER (AS A SUGAR CUBE)

Woooo!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Nice!

SEAN (AS THE BOWL)

Let’s not forget about the mixing bowl!

SEAN (AS MOTORIZED MIXING BOWL)

Vroooom!

SEAN (AS MIXING BOWL)

It’s motorized, dude! It’s my cousin the motorized mixing bowl!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

What?! That’s crazy! We could do huge batches all at once!

SEAN (AS THE BOWL)

But you’re still gonna use me right, duuude?

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Oh, of course!

SEAN (AS THE BOWL)

Yeaaah!

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Jacklyn, what do you think of all this?

SEAN

Jacklyn is slowly backing out of the room into the corridor, and closes the door.

Blat… you are standing in front of a mirror and you are looking snazzier than ever. The belt loops don’t quite tighten enough—you’ve lost a bit of weight since you last saw Snegal, but you must say you’re looking pretty snazzy.

CARTER

Blat reaches up to the top shelf, takes the fedora, places it on his head in between his two horns, looks in the mirror…

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Now… we can do some adventuring.

SEAN

And that’s when you hear a blood-curdling scream from the hallway.

SEAN (AS JACKLYN)

AAAAAAGH!

CREDITS

Theme music plays.

ANNOUNCER

The End of Time and Other Bothers, with your Game Master Sean Howard, and players Marisa King, Michael Howie and Carter Siddall.

Dialogue editing and transcription by Michael Howie.

Additional material and sound design by Eli McIlveen. Story consultant: Laura Packer. Game consultant: Stephen Smith. Supporting producers: Evelyn Jones, Kim Bellinger and Ryan Cushman.

If you like what you hear, check us out on Patreon. Supporters get early access to episodes, weekly bonus content, and an invite to our fabulous fan community on Discord. Look for the Patreon link at OtherBothers.com.

OUTTAKE: WHICH SIDE ARE YOU ON?

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Alright, so you’re here, you’re here, I’m here—where’s Jacklyn?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

We don’t know.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

Well, shouldn’t Jacklyn be in the last room?

MARISA (AS DARCY)

Yeah, but unfortunately you’ve put a bed in front of the door so we can’t get to it.

CARTER (AS BLAT)

Wait—isn’t this the door to the flesh eating—oh.

MIKE (AS EGGERTON)

(starting to laugh)

So are you saying Jacklyn’s in the room with the flesh eating monster that we’ve just trapped in there?

MARISA

I assumed that the flesh eating monster came out of his room into the corridor and was talking to us through the door in the corridor. That’s what I assumed.

MIKE

So we’re in Blat’s room right now—

MARISA

I don’t know what’s happening in your world.

MIKE

—with the door closed.

(laughs)

CARTER

G’night, everybody.